Please Read:
Okay so heres my situtation, I am 16 years old living in texas with my father. I have a one month old daughter.
I have only been living with my father for about 3 weeks. I was previously living with my baby's father and his parents in a different town because i ran away from my dads house when i was 4 1/2 months pregnant because i was sleeping in a closet and sharing a room with my sister and my dad and my grandmother in an assisted living that my grandma owned in her home. I had not seen a doctor for the whole time i was pregnant except for one time i had to because i stayed a week in the hospital with a kidney infection. I was also not in school and my dad would not enroll me in school because he wanted to homeschool me but he never got materials because he couldn't afford it. So i took it upon myself to leave because I wanted my baby to live and i didn't think she would under the circumstances, i had a big chance of miscarrying.
So anyway, I left and moved in with my baby's father and his parents for the remainder of the pregnancy where i got a job, enrolled in an online school, got WIC, and recieved food stamps, OH and saw a doctor for the first time and got on insurance. Then once the child was born my father was there for the birth along with my whole family. We had all agreed that I would stay there with the father and his parents after the birth as well because that was where i nested and i wanted to be there.
But then on the day we got discharged from teh hospital my dad said i was coming with him and there was nothing i could do about it. I cried and tried to get him to compromise with me but he wouldn't. he said i was living in sin and i needed to repent. He also told me I could not see or talk to my daughters father until I was 18 years old. He then proceeded to pack all my things up at the house i was staying at and took it all back to the town i previously lived in with him. But now he had a room for me %26amp; my baby to share. He took everything there before i could even blink. i was still in the hospital because my baby ended up having jaundice. So we had no clothes or toiletries or anything while we had to stay for a few more days with her. Then finally she got discharged and my dad got a CPS case against me because I was on ';flight risk'; ( because i had run away previously) and the cps people told me if i ran away again then my baby would be taken from me. So here I am living with my dad and my baby and my sister. I have my own room but I hate living here and i hate living like this. My daughter has not been able to see her father except a few times he drove here on the weekend and i said i was going to a friends house and he met up with us to give me money to help with her and to see her. Other than that we have not been able to communicate openly or have visitation.
My question is, when I turn 17, can I move out legally? I have heard mixed answers on that and I'm just wondering if someone could give me the law. My dad said I could leave when I'm 17 if thats my choice because he also believes its legal for me to leave and the police cannot make me return home. But I heard my dad talking and he said that if i left when i was 17 that I would get my baby taken away from me and he could then get custody of her because that would show I am an unfit mother.
I would be leaving and moving in with my boyfriends parents again and my boyfriend. and then I wanted to petition the court for marriage so that he and i could get married. we have been engaged for over a year now. He is 19, works for baylor hospital making 10.50 an hour. full time. and he goes to school full time. I am going to get my GED soon.
So can someone tell me if i can leave when I'm 17 with my child? or will someone take her from me because i would be ';running away';.
also does anyone have any advice for me on what i should do or could do?
emancipation?
petition for marriage now while still living in my dads home?
thank you for taking the time to read this if you did.
please reply soon.17 year old mother seeking advice.?
I learned about this type of situation lat year in a law class i took. Since you are 17 and have a baby the courts will most likely treat you as an adult, however you can become and emancipated minor. This means that you are ';of legal age'; and no longer need to abide by your parents. In order to become an emancipated minor you need to go in front of judge and give her a GOOD reason of why you want to be emancipated. Then you need to prove to the judge that you will be able to provide for your self and ESPECIALLY your child.(place to live, clothing, food, education, time, love, safety) If you can provide these needs for your and your child then the judge will most likely emancipate you.
It may help your case to have your sons dads parents tell the judge that you can live with them and have your bf show proof of his job and his college. Just to back your self up further. Try to avoid complaining about home to much. You don't want to act to much like a teenager. You need to act mature and show confidence in everything you say to the judge.
Hope I helped you. Feel free to email me if you have questions.17 year old mother seeking advice.?
The legal definition of an adult involves becoming 18, not 17, so I do not see how 17 will change anything. In most states you can petition for emancipation once you are 16. I am quite surprised that your Human Services Department (or whatever it is called in your state) has not already contacted you due to your age. You might want to consider calling them, as they don't just take away children, but also offer support and services for young mothers.
WELL IF YOU TAKE A FROZEN LAMB LEG KILL HIM WITH IT THEN PUT LAMB LEG IN OVEN AND SAY THAT HE WAS MURDERED TELL POLICE TO EAT SOME DINNER AND FEED THEM THE LAMB LEG MURDER WEAPON GONE! YOU WIN!
cant get emancipated w.o parents concent! or court order! Contact social services to get you out of the house and no they will not put you with your BF parents they will most likely put you with a grandparent unless you get emancipated
SO BABY AT 16? PREGO at 15 I PRESUME? THAT IS NASTY A LITTLE KID HAVING ANOTHER LITTLE KID?
There are other things besdies the law that you can look to. Project Oz is one of them they help young mothers have everything they and there baby need to live on there own they help you get food and even pay rent for you to live in an apartment they set you up very well for getting emancipated. Your liveing conditions dont seem stable enough for you and your baby. Also another option is calling 911 and just tell them you and your baby want to be placed into another home. But call project oz first and if you dont have one in your area they will help you find a program similar to it in your area.
1-(309) 827-0377
I might have missed it, but there's no way I'm reading through that again....
The state/country you live in is very important here.
I can tell you right now that lies will not help your situation.
You can go through the court so they decide on visitation for the father.
%26amp; Batsu is right....there are a ton of organizations there to help you.....talk to them, it will only benifit you.
I'm glad you're still trying to get your GED....I just wish for your sake, and those paying for you and your child to live, that you would have avoided this situation from the start.
Good luck with everything.
Friday, November 25, 2011
I'm a mother seeking advice. I recently had a confrentation with a woman at church about my toddler son.?
On Sunday I had a confrentation with a Sister in my ward (she is in the PRimary Presidency). She was inappropriately disapling my four year old son who had been pulled out of his Sunday school class. They were in the hallway and she was holding his face by the chin with her hand while speaking to him. I saw this because I had walked into the hallway several doors down with another Primary child (the boy that I brought in the hall didn't want to stay in his seat, but very quickly calmed down when I brought him in the hallway -- we were out there just long enough for me to ask him if he could sit nicely in class and for him to respond yes) from the class that my husband and I teach. I immediately made a mental note that I needed to speak with this Sister after the meeting block (that way we could both give each other our full attention and discuss the situation) unless of coarse she came to get me or my husband.I'm a mother seeking advice. I recently had a confrentation with a woman at church about my toddler son.?
She probably should not have put her hands on your child.
That being said: Your child needs to be disciplined by a responsible adult and taught how to behave....obviously ';someone'; has not taught him to act properly and treat other people with respect and courtesy.
If some little brat hit and kicked MY child....their parent would suffer my wrath and my hands would be all over them, instead.
Since you don't make your child behave, I guess she had to. I don't agree with her tactics, but sounds to me like he isn't very socially acceptable. You reap what you sow...to coin a phrase. She didn't kick or hit him, did she?
Too bad the only way she could get him to pay attention was by holding his face so he would look at her and at least appear to listen.....sounds to me like HE is the one out of control.
If you don't get control of this violent child IMMEDIATELY, I guarantee he is going to hit or kick the wrong kid and get his teeth kicked in. And he will also probably end up in juvenile hall!
Shame on you! Do your job, Mom. That way, other people will not have to do it for you, like she did.
Now go and apologize to her and ask her how to control your own child properly.I'm a mother seeking advice. I recently had a confrentation with a woman at church about my toddler son.?
Thank GAWD saner head prvialed! I am sure you won't change your ways and try to be a decent mother...but I was sure the US would grow some brains and vote for Kerry in 2004!
Get contol of your child.
Confrontation %26amp; disciplining, is that what you meant?
Speak with her. That's all the advice I have. If you don't like the way she was treating your child, then do something about it. Very cut %26amp; dry.
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Whoa! What a novel. I didn't read past the first paragraph. I can't see anyone being interested enough to take the time to read this story. hahahah
I don't care if it was Mother Theresa...I'd have a real hard time with anyone laying hands on my child...
What are your school's policies regarding discipline...was she ';breaking the rules'; or did she just set off your maternal alarm? In this day and age...I'd say it was a safe bet that the policy manual says to keep your hands to yourself...but I'd double check...
I'd flat out say that corporal punishment is a task better left to the parents...and remind her of just what the policy on disciplining students is and ask her if she could please keep them in mind the next time she succumbs to frustration whilst disciplining your child.
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It's ridiculous that they cornered you like that...and then tag teamed you like that and all in front of your children. I dont think I would have stood there. I think I would have talked right past her and taken my kids to my husband and then gone to address her somewhere more appropriate.
In anycase, it sounds like the sisters and the bishop and everyone is just going to disregard your concerns. At this point it's probably pointless to ';make arrangements'; for another meeting...Is there any other class your son can go to? If not, I think i might just flat out say to her...Or maybe leaving her a note would be easier....
';I didn't appreciate being cornered last week. I didn't feel as though you were hearing my words or truly understanding the concept of IMMEDIATLEY alerting the parents but that's besides the point and on that we can agree to disagree. However, I would appreciate that in the future, and diciplinary dealings with my son remain verbal and not physical. And if it escalates to the point that you have to grab his little chin and yell into his face again...walk him to my class room and I will deal with him.';
That's all I can think of...outside of slapping her mouth off her face. Sorry but they treated you and your family very poorly....and I think it needs to be addressed, respectfully, but firmly.
Big deal. Some people do that with kids. They are not that fragile.
Well, after reading your whole story, I'll give you my two cents. Don't take it to heart as this is just an opinion of an outsider.
I think you over reacted. Basically you saw someone holding your son's chin (probably because he wouldn't look at her) which is common in some families. Not pinching his chin, slapping or spanking him, but giving him a good talking to. Then you saw him crying. You saw the sister make your son cry and did it in a way you would never do.
But what was really happening here?
You child was hitting and kicking other children.
I would be very upset with YOU if your child was hitting and kicking mine and you simply took him out in the hall and talked to him quietly.
You see, your child hurt other children. She didn't hurt him. I think you need to get a handle on your own child at this age and tell him that behavior is not appropriate. The fact is, if your child behaved, none of this would have happened.
While you may have been a sensitive child growing up and one look from your parents might have caused you to behave, that doesn't mean you child is going to have the same sensitivity. I've seen too many kids that are out of control and their parents take up for them only to enforce the child's behavior that he can do no wrong. Maybe you are far from being that parent but I think it can easily slip by when you take issue with how someone else deals with your disruptive child that is hurting other children. Especially when she didn't hurt him other than a scolding.
I think the Bishop was right. You could have simply said, ';Next time, when me or my husband is around and my child is hurting other children, bring him to me.'; And let it go at that. But you made your point to her and the others involved. But they are not going to let your child continue to hurt other children, because there are a lot more parents that are going to be in their face if they allow that to happen.
I will tell you for one, I'm a little more aggressive than most, but I would be in your face telling you and your husband directly that was going to be the last time your child kick or hits my child and I will hold you completely responsible and not the teachers. I think a lot of it depends on what kind of church you attend, but there are no secrets at the church that I go to... no whispering. If Johnny's a bad kid, it is talked about and in front of the parent. We don't want them there if they are not going to control their kids.
I think you know what the REAL problem is... the class was out of control. That was a teacher's problem. I'm sure your child stood out amongst all the other children unless this Sister had it in for you or your child. The fact that she was holding his chin tells me that he wasn't listening to her. I would think that far before I would think an adult is out of control and just waiting for a five year old to start hitting and kicking other children.
I think you over reacted.
you really need to remember why you are at church and what kind of behaviors are appropriate. you left your child in someone else's care and then decided that it wasn't right. never act disrespectfully towards another adult in front of your child as he will model this behavior. in the future, observe the interaction and when it's done, take the adult aside and discuss what you saw. send an apology to the teacher and pastor.
let me get this striaght.
a) your child hit another becauae the other was being ';mean';
b) the teacher (person in authority) took your child into the hall, was not able to get him to pay attention and gently held his chin in one hand to get him to pay attention and at leat appeat to listen and left absolutely no mark or bruise on him and the only thing hurt was his ego
c) the teacher wanted to speak with you inthe hall without you holding him and coddling him and stepped between you
d) you think the situation was important enough to gripe about it here but not important enough to wait a few moments while she politely finiashed the conversation she was having with someone before you got there
e) she went to the president because she has a child in her class who hits other children and she felt like he should be made aware becasue someone has made an example to him that hitting is acceptable when people hurt their feelings
f) you are too chicken to act like an adult and talk to the people involved in person, you would rather send a letter so they don't have the benefit of answering you immediately and face to face
g) now you are here b*tching about it to people who will never have the benefit of seeing your child in ';action'; or of knowing the other people's side of the story
h) you expect that every time your kid is out of control (and i trust with no real consequences given for his actions, this will be the first time of many) for her to have to leave and come find you, thereby disrupting class even more, after what your child does
great, now i have to know that my tax money will be paying to clothe and feed an inmate charged with assault in about 16 years.
that's rich.
be an adult and set the proper example for your child. you need to apologize to everyone involved, including the child and the parents of the child who were assaulted by your child (and in the eyes of the law that is what it is: assault...even if the other child was ';mean'; it is never, ever ok to hit unless you are being hit first) and then you should humbly ask the sister for forgiveness....not only for not making your son apologize immediatley to her, the other child and the whole class for his behavior, but also for coming to a forum where she is not represented and talking about her behind her back.
i fear for the future because there are so many parents out there like you. i really do
There is nothing wrong with holding a young boys chin while you speak to him. Boys process information differently than girls, and when you are trying to communicate with them, getting as many senses as possible involved helps. Holding the chin, gently, so the boy has to look at you gets both the sense of touch and the sense of sight involved on top of just the sense of hearing. This isn't a form of discipline, just a form of communication. I honestly stopped reading about halfway through, but I don't really see that the Sister did anything wrong.
Be very, very glad that it wasn't my child your little brat hit. YOU would be in the hospital. And if I were the teacher I would never allow that horrid little beast in my class again. You both got off lightly! She didn't hurt him at all, she was getting his attention as a person of authority. He used his hands to hurt another child! Where did he learn that was OK, huh? Certainly not from that teacher.
That woman should get an award as ';Teacher Of The Year'; and a huge cash payout for having to deal with your brat and you as well.
If I were you and I was such an awful parent that my kid was shown it was OK to hit and expect absolutely no consequences, I would be too ashamed to ever show my pathetic face in public again...let alone church!
I am assuming that most (not all) of the people who said the teacher was out of line did not bother to read your little novel and didn't get too far past the whole ';holding his chin in her hand'; part. because if they had, they would have said this:
you were totally and completely out of line. your child HIT another child. she did not hurt him by holding his chin in her hand to get his attention (and I will bet my bottom dollar that she tried to get him to pay attention many other ways before having to do that) but the poor child he chose to hit instead of using his words was sure hurt!
grow up, grow a spine and take some parenting classes.
you and your child need to apologize to everyone involved...and face to face...not via some chicksh*t letter
if I had behaved that way when I was in school or Sunday school, I would have gotten the belt from the teacher and then a serious punishment. your little angel got far less than he deserved. did you take him out to ice cream after wards to make his poor little feelings all better?
what is wrong with parents today...and people wonder why the prisons are so full.
both the behavior of your child and yourself was nothing short of shameful and you both should hang your heads in shame.
I'm glad that you and your child do not belong to any organization that I belong to.
He sounds like a holy terror and you sound like the reason he behaves like that.
Whine, whine, whine.
Enough said.
You sound like one of those parents (who) when their kid does something wrong in school and gets in trouble or gets suspended, they whine and complain and even sue the school.
That is not a compliment.
Instead of complaining about how she handled the situation, why don't you raise your kid not to act in a way that necessitates your kid being disciplined in the first place?
Geez!
When my kids do something wrong and get in trouble, it is MY fault...not the person who got stuck doing the job of discipline (i.e. ';my job';).
You need to teach that lovely offspring of yours that ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!!!!! Life will be rough for them if they don't get that simple fact of life and he will never have any decent friends....only other little hellions.
If you had been on the ball in your parenting, this situation would never have happened.
And now you're teaching him to p*ss and moan when he gets in trouble. I agree with the person above me....he is going to hit and kick the wrong person and have his bottom handed to him on a platter someday if you don't teach him what IS and what IS NOT acceptable behaviour.
You may be 26, but you're acting like you're 10....and everyone knows that ANY 10 year old would make an awful parent.
I'm going to star this question because I know that my contacts and their contacts and so on(who are intelligent, THINKING people...most of them parents) will most likely agree.
Your child WAS NOT hurt (unlike the ones who were kicked and hit by yours) and was crying and upset because someone FINALLY called him on his BS. That Sister should get a medal and you should be sent to the corner.
Your son was hitting and kicking other kids in class. She took him outside into the hallway and held his chin so that he would have to make eye contact with her whilst she spoke to him. I see nothing wrong with that. You have completely over-reacted and made the situation a lot worse than it needed to be. If my kids had been in the class with your son hitting and kicking them, I'd have been furious. She did the right thing, and you came over all motherly and protective, which is understandable, but kids need to know the boundaries. He needs to know that his bad behaviour in class will not be tolerated.
yes i do agree, that is never right to abuse/touch in any way a child.. and you should say something, but depending on the age, the sister may have been taught this way... when she was in school (if shes older) thats what teachers and parents did. which is hard for people in modern days to understand.. but i do think you should confront her.
You never really asked a question there, but I would kindly ask her be more gentle when dealing with the children. However, my mother used to do that to me and it really gets the kid's attention and means the adult is serious.
she should of come to you and spoke to you about him misbehaving and let you do the disaplining. she has no right doing it. Sister or not a sister
Oh, wow!
Thats completely out of line! I'd take action to make sure it doesn't happen again to anyone else.
A simple ';hands off the kids, Sister'; should drive the point home.
I would talk with the Primary President about it first. I would ask her what is expected of the children and also what is the discipline plan for the children in case of interruption.
I would say that if my son was disruptive in his ctr5 class, that I would like to be notified to take care of the matter myself.
Good luck. Remember that everyone messes up sometimes and that forgiveness is best in these situations. Don't hate her, that will just wear on you.
Also, mention to the teacher that if there is a problem again, just to have you come and sit in on the class for a few minutes.
My husband walks by my son's class now and again just to listen to make sure that he is behaving and that all is well. Don't hesitate to do the same....with a nice smile, of course.
:-)
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Wow. Isn't it nice to be able to vent in here w/o people knowing? :-)
Anyways. Really, don't worry about missing next week. It doesn't matter what other people might think. I would tell the President or the Secretary who will be subbing your class, though, so they are prepared for that.
One suggestion is that if the sunbeam class is out of control, then they need either two teachers, or a bigger room. I would talk with the Pres or the Bishop about that. It would be a welcome suggestion.
Good Luck. These things do happen, but please try to come up with a good solution together with them and then let it go.
i would be pissed, i would not be nice at all i would say you have no right to hold my childs face up to your and make him look at you while you are yelling at him, they dont have a right to do that to anyone, if the child just wont listen , she should not touch any child, she should have had a talk with the parent about what they would like to have done maybe a time out maybe him changed to another class, i love the lord too but i love my children also and i would not have anyone doing that to my son, my son has ad/hd and he is a hand full, so there are sometimes when i go out he is running about throwing stuff yelling, and jumping, and sometimes people will tell him no if he does something bad which doesnot not bother me but if anyone touchs my son iam touching them i understand your situation your in a church i think you should have a meeting about what punishment is correct for children and let parent know what will happen to there child if they act out so there are no mad parents
It sounds like the whole thing was blown out of proportion. When you are feeling calmer, you should have a talk, or, if you really do feel too intimidated, you can always write a letter. Speak to this sister and just explain that you were feeling a little defensive because you were not able to get the whole story right then and felt you were being ganged up on. Let her know for future reference how you prefer situations with your son be handled. It does not sound so much like she was doing anything particularly bad from what you describe, but just that maybe you viewed it as being very intimidating for your child. In the future, do not be afraid to say that you are upset right now and would like to discuss the situation when you are feeling calmer. You are much less likely to sound like a hysterical mother and much more likely to be taken seriously if you wait to talk about things when you are not feeling overly emotional. Go ahead and write the letter about needing a substitute for the weekend your husband is going away. They already knew about it beforehand. Please don't be afraid to talk to these people. You see them every week, and you don't want things to end up being awkward and uncomfortable. You need to keep the lines of communication open. God wants a relationship with us, and he wants his children to have a good relationship with each other. If there is no communication, the relationship will deteriorate.
I'm not sure what's wrong with advising someone to wait until they're calm and thinking clearly before discussing things. Personally, I think it's best to be able to approach a situation with a clear head, so you can be patient and hear the whole story before deciding whether or not there is truly a problem or just a misunderstanding. That is the basic message I am giving here.
Well I think that the whole thing was taken way too far by the counselor and primary president. However simply holding a child's chin in your hand isn't bad. As a primary teacher I've done it with kids in my sunbeam class. I don't do it roughly and I do it so they'll look at me and not get distracted. I get down at their level to do it. I tell them nicely that I was disappointed in their behaviour and I will give them one more chance to come back to class. If that doesn't work then the second time I will take the child to their parent. I very rarely have to take them to their parent. Just knowing I am disappointed in a behaviour helps them settle down for the rest of class. The parents have seen me handle it this way and none of have complained. Only once did a child burst into tears. But he was having a really off day to begin with. I knew then that he didn't need a second chance...he just needed a parent. I think I was in a unique position though....I had just spent a year in nursery with my class, got released and then called to sunbeams. So the kids and parents and I knew each styles really well and I wasn't doing anything different than the parents themselves did. Shoot I was more gentle with the chin holding than one of the moms with her daughter.
I think what gets me in your situation is how it was handled over all. That she tried to come between you and your son, that it felt like you were cornered, that the teacher said all the kids in the class were a bit wild that day and not just your son, that words were said to the bishop before hand so that it made you look bad in his eyes. None of that should have happened at all. And the attitude those sisters were taking is just wrong. I have never seen a primary teacher or leader discipline a child in our ward and we have some children with special needs that tend to get a bit wild at times. Yes they are pulled out and gently talked to and given another chance to sit through class. But never disciplined. They are brought to the parents for that. (I know cause my older daughter is one of the wild ones...sigh)
I'm one to get really defensive when it comes to my kids. So this situation would be hard on me. I think I'd take some time to let it simmer down. Then I'd set an appointment with the bishop when he's less hurried and calmly let him know how hurt and even a bit angry if that's the case by the whole situation that happened and let him know that you are really struggling with it all and go from there.
Hopefully in the mean time, they've calmed down as well and the bishop has had time to think it all over and when you do go in that he'll really listen this time.
She probably should not have put her hands on your child.
That being said: Your child needs to be disciplined by a responsible adult and taught how to behave....obviously ';someone'; has not taught him to act properly and treat other people with respect and courtesy.
If some little brat hit and kicked MY child....their parent would suffer my wrath and my hands would be all over them, instead.
Since you don't make your child behave, I guess she had to. I don't agree with her tactics, but sounds to me like he isn't very socially acceptable. You reap what you sow...to coin a phrase. She didn't kick or hit him, did she?
Too bad the only way she could get him to pay attention was by holding his face so he would look at her and at least appear to listen.....sounds to me like HE is the one out of control.
If you don't get control of this violent child IMMEDIATELY, I guarantee he is going to hit or kick the wrong kid and get his teeth kicked in. And he will also probably end up in juvenile hall!
Shame on you! Do your job, Mom. That way, other people will not have to do it for you, like she did.
Now go and apologize to her and ask her how to control your own child properly.I'm a mother seeking advice. I recently had a confrentation with a woman at church about my toddler son.?
Thank GAWD saner head prvialed! I am sure you won't change your ways and try to be a decent mother...but I was sure the US would grow some brains and vote for Kerry in 2004!
Get contol of your child.
Report Abuse
Confrontation %26amp; disciplining, is that what you meant?
Speak with her. That's all the advice I have. If you don't like the way she was treating your child, then do something about it. Very cut %26amp; dry.
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Whoa! What a novel. I didn't read past the first paragraph. I can't see anyone being interested enough to take the time to read this story. hahahah
I don't care if it was Mother Theresa...I'd have a real hard time with anyone laying hands on my child...
What are your school's policies regarding discipline...was she ';breaking the rules'; or did she just set off your maternal alarm? In this day and age...I'd say it was a safe bet that the policy manual says to keep your hands to yourself...but I'd double check...
I'd flat out say that corporal punishment is a task better left to the parents...and remind her of just what the policy on disciplining students is and ask her if she could please keep them in mind the next time she succumbs to frustration whilst disciplining your child.
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It's ridiculous that they cornered you like that...and then tag teamed you like that and all in front of your children. I dont think I would have stood there. I think I would have talked right past her and taken my kids to my husband and then gone to address her somewhere more appropriate.
In anycase, it sounds like the sisters and the bishop and everyone is just going to disregard your concerns. At this point it's probably pointless to ';make arrangements'; for another meeting...Is there any other class your son can go to? If not, I think i might just flat out say to her...Or maybe leaving her a note would be easier....
';I didn't appreciate being cornered last week. I didn't feel as though you were hearing my words or truly understanding the concept of IMMEDIATLEY alerting the parents but that's besides the point and on that we can agree to disagree. However, I would appreciate that in the future, and diciplinary dealings with my son remain verbal and not physical. And if it escalates to the point that you have to grab his little chin and yell into his face again...walk him to my class room and I will deal with him.';
That's all I can think of...outside of slapping her mouth off her face. Sorry but they treated you and your family very poorly....and I think it needs to be addressed, respectfully, but firmly.
Big deal. Some people do that with kids. They are not that fragile.
Well, after reading your whole story, I'll give you my two cents. Don't take it to heart as this is just an opinion of an outsider.
I think you over reacted. Basically you saw someone holding your son's chin (probably because he wouldn't look at her) which is common in some families. Not pinching his chin, slapping or spanking him, but giving him a good talking to. Then you saw him crying. You saw the sister make your son cry and did it in a way you would never do.
But what was really happening here?
You child was hitting and kicking other children.
I would be very upset with YOU if your child was hitting and kicking mine and you simply took him out in the hall and talked to him quietly.
You see, your child hurt other children. She didn't hurt him. I think you need to get a handle on your own child at this age and tell him that behavior is not appropriate. The fact is, if your child behaved, none of this would have happened.
While you may have been a sensitive child growing up and one look from your parents might have caused you to behave, that doesn't mean you child is going to have the same sensitivity. I've seen too many kids that are out of control and their parents take up for them only to enforce the child's behavior that he can do no wrong. Maybe you are far from being that parent but I think it can easily slip by when you take issue with how someone else deals with your disruptive child that is hurting other children. Especially when she didn't hurt him other than a scolding.
I think the Bishop was right. You could have simply said, ';Next time, when me or my husband is around and my child is hurting other children, bring him to me.'; And let it go at that. But you made your point to her and the others involved. But they are not going to let your child continue to hurt other children, because there are a lot more parents that are going to be in their face if they allow that to happen.
I will tell you for one, I'm a little more aggressive than most, but I would be in your face telling you and your husband directly that was going to be the last time your child kick or hits my child and I will hold you completely responsible and not the teachers. I think a lot of it depends on what kind of church you attend, but there are no secrets at the church that I go to... no whispering. If Johnny's a bad kid, it is talked about and in front of the parent. We don't want them there if they are not going to control their kids.
I think you know what the REAL problem is... the class was out of control. That was a teacher's problem. I'm sure your child stood out amongst all the other children unless this Sister had it in for you or your child. The fact that she was holding his chin tells me that he wasn't listening to her. I would think that far before I would think an adult is out of control and just waiting for a five year old to start hitting and kicking other children.
I think you over reacted.
you really need to remember why you are at church and what kind of behaviors are appropriate. you left your child in someone else's care and then decided that it wasn't right. never act disrespectfully towards another adult in front of your child as he will model this behavior. in the future, observe the interaction and when it's done, take the adult aside and discuss what you saw. send an apology to the teacher and pastor.
let me get this striaght.
a) your child hit another becauae the other was being ';mean';
b) the teacher (person in authority) took your child into the hall, was not able to get him to pay attention and gently held his chin in one hand to get him to pay attention and at leat appeat to listen and left absolutely no mark or bruise on him and the only thing hurt was his ego
c) the teacher wanted to speak with you inthe hall without you holding him and coddling him and stepped between you
d) you think the situation was important enough to gripe about it here but not important enough to wait a few moments while she politely finiashed the conversation she was having with someone before you got there
e) she went to the president because she has a child in her class who hits other children and she felt like he should be made aware becasue someone has made an example to him that hitting is acceptable when people hurt their feelings
f) you are too chicken to act like an adult and talk to the people involved in person, you would rather send a letter so they don't have the benefit of answering you immediately and face to face
g) now you are here b*tching about it to people who will never have the benefit of seeing your child in ';action'; or of knowing the other people's side of the story
h) you expect that every time your kid is out of control (and i trust with no real consequences given for his actions, this will be the first time of many) for her to have to leave and come find you, thereby disrupting class even more, after what your child does
great, now i have to know that my tax money will be paying to clothe and feed an inmate charged with assault in about 16 years.
that's rich.
be an adult and set the proper example for your child. you need to apologize to everyone involved, including the child and the parents of the child who were assaulted by your child (and in the eyes of the law that is what it is: assault...even if the other child was ';mean'; it is never, ever ok to hit unless you are being hit first) and then you should humbly ask the sister for forgiveness....not only for not making your son apologize immediatley to her, the other child and the whole class for his behavior, but also for coming to a forum where she is not represented and talking about her behind her back.
i fear for the future because there are so many parents out there like you. i really do
There is nothing wrong with holding a young boys chin while you speak to him. Boys process information differently than girls, and when you are trying to communicate with them, getting as many senses as possible involved helps. Holding the chin, gently, so the boy has to look at you gets both the sense of touch and the sense of sight involved on top of just the sense of hearing. This isn't a form of discipline, just a form of communication. I honestly stopped reading about halfway through, but I don't really see that the Sister did anything wrong.
Be very, very glad that it wasn't my child your little brat hit. YOU would be in the hospital. And if I were the teacher I would never allow that horrid little beast in my class again. You both got off lightly! She didn't hurt him at all, she was getting his attention as a person of authority. He used his hands to hurt another child! Where did he learn that was OK, huh? Certainly not from that teacher.
That woman should get an award as ';Teacher Of The Year'; and a huge cash payout for having to deal with your brat and you as well.
If I were you and I was such an awful parent that my kid was shown it was OK to hit and expect absolutely no consequences, I would be too ashamed to ever show my pathetic face in public again...let alone church!
I am assuming that most (not all) of the people who said the teacher was out of line did not bother to read your little novel and didn't get too far past the whole ';holding his chin in her hand'; part. because if they had, they would have said this:
you were totally and completely out of line. your child HIT another child. she did not hurt him by holding his chin in her hand to get his attention (and I will bet my bottom dollar that she tried to get him to pay attention many other ways before having to do that) but the poor child he chose to hit instead of using his words was sure hurt!
grow up, grow a spine and take some parenting classes.
you and your child need to apologize to everyone involved...and face to face...not via some chicksh*t letter
if I had behaved that way when I was in school or Sunday school, I would have gotten the belt from the teacher and then a serious punishment. your little angel got far less than he deserved. did you take him out to ice cream after wards to make his poor little feelings all better?
what is wrong with parents today...and people wonder why the prisons are so full.
both the behavior of your child and yourself was nothing short of shameful and you both should hang your heads in shame.
I'm glad that you and your child do not belong to any organization that I belong to.
He sounds like a holy terror and you sound like the reason he behaves like that.
Whine, whine, whine.
Enough said.
You sound like one of those parents (who) when their kid does something wrong in school and gets in trouble or gets suspended, they whine and complain and even sue the school.
That is not a compliment.
Instead of complaining about how she handled the situation, why don't you raise your kid not to act in a way that necessitates your kid being disciplined in the first place?
Geez!
When my kids do something wrong and get in trouble, it is MY fault...not the person who got stuck doing the job of discipline (i.e. ';my job';).
You need to teach that lovely offspring of yours that ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!!!!! Life will be rough for them if they don't get that simple fact of life and he will never have any decent friends....only other little hellions.
If you had been on the ball in your parenting, this situation would never have happened.
And now you're teaching him to p*ss and moan when he gets in trouble. I agree with the person above me....he is going to hit and kick the wrong person and have his bottom handed to him on a platter someday if you don't teach him what IS and what IS NOT acceptable behaviour.
You may be 26, but you're acting like you're 10....and everyone knows that ANY 10 year old would make an awful parent.
I'm going to star this question because I know that my contacts and their contacts and so on(who are intelligent, THINKING people...most of them parents) will most likely agree.
Your child WAS NOT hurt (unlike the ones who were kicked and hit by yours) and was crying and upset because someone FINALLY called him on his BS. That Sister should get a medal and you should be sent to the corner.
Your son was hitting and kicking other kids in class. She took him outside into the hallway and held his chin so that he would have to make eye contact with her whilst she spoke to him. I see nothing wrong with that. You have completely over-reacted and made the situation a lot worse than it needed to be. If my kids had been in the class with your son hitting and kicking them, I'd have been furious. She did the right thing, and you came over all motherly and protective, which is understandable, but kids need to know the boundaries. He needs to know that his bad behaviour in class will not be tolerated.
yes i do agree, that is never right to abuse/touch in any way a child.. and you should say something, but depending on the age, the sister may have been taught this way... when she was in school (if shes older) thats what teachers and parents did. which is hard for people in modern days to understand.. but i do think you should confront her.
You never really asked a question there, but I would kindly ask her be more gentle when dealing with the children. However, my mother used to do that to me and it really gets the kid's attention and means the adult is serious.
she should of come to you and spoke to you about him misbehaving and let you do the disaplining. she has no right doing it. Sister or not a sister
Oh, wow!
Thats completely out of line! I'd take action to make sure it doesn't happen again to anyone else.
A simple ';hands off the kids, Sister'; should drive the point home.
I would talk with the Primary President about it first. I would ask her what is expected of the children and also what is the discipline plan for the children in case of interruption.
I would say that if my son was disruptive in his ctr5 class, that I would like to be notified to take care of the matter myself.
Good luck. Remember that everyone messes up sometimes and that forgiveness is best in these situations. Don't hate her, that will just wear on you.
Also, mention to the teacher that if there is a problem again, just to have you come and sit in on the class for a few minutes.
My husband walks by my son's class now and again just to listen to make sure that he is behaving and that all is well. Don't hesitate to do the same....with a nice smile, of course.
:-)
**************************************…
Wow. Isn't it nice to be able to vent in here w/o people knowing? :-)
Anyways. Really, don't worry about missing next week. It doesn't matter what other people might think. I would tell the President or the Secretary who will be subbing your class, though, so they are prepared for that.
One suggestion is that if the sunbeam class is out of control, then they need either two teachers, or a bigger room. I would talk with the Pres or the Bishop about that. It would be a welcome suggestion.
Good Luck. These things do happen, but please try to come up with a good solution together with them and then let it go.
i would be pissed, i would not be nice at all i would say you have no right to hold my childs face up to your and make him look at you while you are yelling at him, they dont have a right to do that to anyone, if the child just wont listen , she should not touch any child, she should have had a talk with the parent about what they would like to have done maybe a time out maybe him changed to another class, i love the lord too but i love my children also and i would not have anyone doing that to my son, my son has ad/hd and he is a hand full, so there are sometimes when i go out he is running about throwing stuff yelling, and jumping, and sometimes people will tell him no if he does something bad which doesnot not bother me but if anyone touchs my son iam touching them i understand your situation your in a church i think you should have a meeting about what punishment is correct for children and let parent know what will happen to there child if they act out so there are no mad parents
It sounds like the whole thing was blown out of proportion. When you are feeling calmer, you should have a talk, or, if you really do feel too intimidated, you can always write a letter. Speak to this sister and just explain that you were feeling a little defensive because you were not able to get the whole story right then and felt you were being ganged up on. Let her know for future reference how you prefer situations with your son be handled. It does not sound so much like she was doing anything particularly bad from what you describe, but just that maybe you viewed it as being very intimidating for your child. In the future, do not be afraid to say that you are upset right now and would like to discuss the situation when you are feeling calmer. You are much less likely to sound like a hysterical mother and much more likely to be taken seriously if you wait to talk about things when you are not feeling overly emotional. Go ahead and write the letter about needing a substitute for the weekend your husband is going away. They already knew about it beforehand. Please don't be afraid to talk to these people. You see them every week, and you don't want things to end up being awkward and uncomfortable. You need to keep the lines of communication open. God wants a relationship with us, and he wants his children to have a good relationship with each other. If there is no communication, the relationship will deteriorate.
I'm not sure what's wrong with advising someone to wait until they're calm and thinking clearly before discussing things. Personally, I think it's best to be able to approach a situation with a clear head, so you can be patient and hear the whole story before deciding whether or not there is truly a problem or just a misunderstanding. That is the basic message I am giving here.
Well I think that the whole thing was taken way too far by the counselor and primary president. However simply holding a child's chin in your hand isn't bad. As a primary teacher I've done it with kids in my sunbeam class. I don't do it roughly and I do it so they'll look at me and not get distracted. I get down at their level to do it. I tell them nicely that I was disappointed in their behaviour and I will give them one more chance to come back to class. If that doesn't work then the second time I will take the child to their parent. I very rarely have to take them to their parent. Just knowing I am disappointed in a behaviour helps them settle down for the rest of class. The parents have seen me handle it this way and none of have complained. Only once did a child burst into tears. But he was having a really off day to begin with. I knew then that he didn't need a second chance...he just needed a parent. I think I was in a unique position though....I had just spent a year in nursery with my class, got released and then called to sunbeams. So the kids and parents and I knew each styles really well and I wasn't doing anything different than the parents themselves did. Shoot I was more gentle with the chin holding than one of the moms with her daughter.
I think what gets me in your situation is how it was handled over all. That she tried to come between you and your son, that it felt like you were cornered, that the teacher said all the kids in the class were a bit wild that day and not just your son, that words were said to the bishop before hand so that it made you look bad in his eyes. None of that should have happened at all. And the attitude those sisters were taking is just wrong. I have never seen a primary teacher or leader discipline a child in our ward and we have some children with special needs that tend to get a bit wild at times. Yes they are pulled out and gently talked to and given another chance to sit through class. But never disciplined. They are brought to the parents for that. (I know cause my older daughter is one of the wild ones...sigh)
I'm one to get really defensive when it comes to my kids. So this situation would be hard on me. I think I'd take some time to let it simmer down. Then I'd set an appointment with the bishop when he's less hurried and calmly let him know how hurt and even a bit angry if that's the case by the whole situation that happened and let him know that you are really struggling with it all and go from there.
Hopefully in the mean time, they've calmed down as well and the bishop has had time to think it all over and when you do go in that he'll really listen this time.
Friend of teenage mother seeking advice?
hi, my friend is very close to me. i claim her as my sister..
she has recently found out that she is pregnant and has often asked me for advice.
i have never had a pregnancy scare let alone being pregnant. i have never had the thought or fear of having to tell some one im pregnant.
but as her being so close to me i want to help her as much as i can.
so im trying to help her tell her boyfriend(the father) that she is pregnant.
is there any advice. like is there anything that could help the situation not be as nasty as she is predicting it? thank you for your help..Friend of teenage mother seeking advice?
You can't fix your friend's problems with the baby's father or protect her from the new problems that are coming her way. All you can do is stay her friend and help her with honesty and care.
You cannot make her problems go away but it is so much easier to face life with a friend by our side. So stick around and let her know you care. If things turn bad between her and this guy you'll need to be patient and selfless when she's hurt.
Good luck to both of you.Friend of teenage mother seeking advice?
Maybe she can go to him n b really sad or something. then he will lyk ask wats wrong. then she wud say, 'i dnt know how to tell u'
then he will say, tell me.
then she says, whatever happens, promise we will always b together
then he will say, wats going on, or yeah sure,
then she tells him
then, hopefully he reacts well
GOOD LUCK
Telling the father should NOT be that hard. She should be more worried about telling her parents, who I'm guessing are the people she expects to depend on in these coming months, and who may very well force her to get a job, move out, etc. The father can't be that surprised. After all, he *was* a part of the baby making process. :p
I would suggest she tell him she thinks she's pregnant, so that she doesn't scare him completely. Make him drive her to get a pregnancy test, and have her take it when he's around. That way it has a bit more time to sink in, and it won't hurt your friend to be certain.
Whatever you do, don't involve yourself so much (ie. telling her boyfriend for her) that later on you'll become her personal babysitter maid. Be her friend, not her guide. She was adult enough to make a baby, now she's not adult enough to take the actions associated with becoming pregnant as a teen? If your friend is afraid of the father's reaction, and won't even do that on her own, she's gonna have hell thrown at her nine months from now.
Just tell her she's not alone. She's lucky to have a good friend like you, because even if the dad leaves her, she won't be on her own.
Your friend needs to be open with him. He has to help her make the right decision.
If he's a really good guy, then he would understand that he should help and support his girlfriend with whatever decision she's willing to make. She should tell him that it's something she needs to tell him in person.
They should go somewhere together, like a coffee shop or something and while they're sitting down, make sure he's relaxed, and then she should just come out with it and say that she's pregnant and wants to make a decision on what to do with him.
=]
Just tell him their is nothing that will keep him from being nasty good luck!
she has recently found out that she is pregnant and has often asked me for advice.
i have never had a pregnancy scare let alone being pregnant. i have never had the thought or fear of having to tell some one im pregnant.
but as her being so close to me i want to help her as much as i can.
so im trying to help her tell her boyfriend(the father) that she is pregnant.
is there any advice. like is there anything that could help the situation not be as nasty as she is predicting it? thank you for your help..Friend of teenage mother seeking advice?
You can't fix your friend's problems with the baby's father or protect her from the new problems that are coming her way. All you can do is stay her friend and help her with honesty and care.
You cannot make her problems go away but it is so much easier to face life with a friend by our side. So stick around and let her know you care. If things turn bad between her and this guy you'll need to be patient and selfless when she's hurt.
Good luck to both of you.Friend of teenage mother seeking advice?
Maybe she can go to him n b really sad or something. then he will lyk ask wats wrong. then she wud say, 'i dnt know how to tell u'
then he will say, tell me.
then she says, whatever happens, promise we will always b together
then he will say, wats going on, or yeah sure,
then she tells him
then, hopefully he reacts well
GOOD LUCK
Telling the father should NOT be that hard. She should be more worried about telling her parents, who I'm guessing are the people she expects to depend on in these coming months, and who may very well force her to get a job, move out, etc. The father can't be that surprised. After all, he *was* a part of the baby making process. :p
I would suggest she tell him she thinks she's pregnant, so that she doesn't scare him completely. Make him drive her to get a pregnancy test, and have her take it when he's around. That way it has a bit more time to sink in, and it won't hurt your friend to be certain.
Whatever you do, don't involve yourself so much (ie. telling her boyfriend for her) that later on you'll become her personal babysitter maid. Be her friend, not her guide. She was adult enough to make a baby, now she's not adult enough to take the actions associated with becoming pregnant as a teen? If your friend is afraid of the father's reaction, and won't even do that on her own, she's gonna have hell thrown at her nine months from now.
Just tell her she's not alone. She's lucky to have a good friend like you, because even if the dad leaves her, she won't be on her own.
Your friend needs to be open with him. He has to help her make the right decision.
If he's a really good guy, then he would understand that he should help and support his girlfriend with whatever decision she's willing to make. She should tell him that it's something she needs to tell him in person.
They should go somewhere together, like a coffee shop or something and while they're sitting down, make sure he's relaxed, and then she should just come out with it and say that she's pregnant and wants to make a decision on what to do with him.
=]
Just tell him their is nothing that will keep him from being nasty good luck!
Mini Mean Girls? Mother's advice?
My daughter is 4...she's been at pre-school for a year now and now is at ';real school'; Now I am not saying she is an angel...what child is? But she never had any maliciousness in her before she went to school...she hasn't turned into a monster but she has picked up certain things from other girls at school...things like saying ';Oh you cannot come to my party if you aren't nice to me'; (I said if I'm not there then there won;t BE a party!}) And simil;ar things like ';Oh Anna cannot come to tea at Maisie's because Anna is mean';...and once she told me how someone Else's Mother was fat...I haven't even USED the word fat around her! I have NEVER said things like this...so she has to get them from the other girls..my question is ...Where do THEY get it from? Their Mothers? Surely no Mother would teach their child to say things like this? I worry that she will fall prey to peer pressure as she grows and I want her to think as an individual...and not to fear the idle threats that some girls come out with...I am sure that if one day ';Anna'; is being left out then one day it will be my daughter.....why cannot they all be nice? WHO teaches them to say these things? Will any Mother here admit to it? WHat do you think?Mini Mean Girls? Mother's advice?
Those are all teachable moments. When she comes home saying stuff that concerns you then you need to stop everything you're doing and have a little heart to heart with her. You can say something like ';What does Anna do that makes people think she's mean';. ';How do you think it makes Anna feel to be left out'; ';What do you think you'll do if the girls call you mean or leave you out of a party one day';
Then follow up with ';What are some things you do that makes you nice'; ';If someone is being mean to another child at school, what can you do to help that child';Mini Mean Girls? Mother's advice?
I worked in a daycare with age 4 kids, the girls imitated the shows that they watched on TV. They talked about party's, boys cheating on them and all kinds of stuff. I thinks its horrible!!
Some pick it up from moms, but mostly from the baby sitter TV
She picks them up around school.
Around school we learn allot [13]
-Stuff that we weren't used to at home.
just sit her down and talk 2 her about whats rude and whats honest.
and that somethings are better received when its said in our head.
-Good Luck (:
they get it from older siblings
I wonder this myself. I have a little boy,but believe me, boy world is no different when they are little at the toddler/preschool age. I had a couple weeks ago in a grocery store a complete strangers child (who was considerably older than mine) tell my son he looked like a freak because he had curly hair and that he should have been a girl. I was livid! I turned around and had a few words with the mother regarding her sons rude mouth and the need he had to bully a 2 year old. My son is barely 2 and this kid was easily about 8- and sporting a shirt from a Nazarene church!! That's what floored me- they were obviously religious people the way they were dressed, but honestly! I guess it evades no one in this day and age to be that way.
I don't know where kids learn this meanness from. The only thing I can think of is they are picking it up from TV they watch or hearing it from listening to older children or adults who should know better. It's sad that kids have to be that way and that they can't just be polite to each other. Kid's don't have to like everyone they come in contact with in life, but I think they need to be learning that regardless they will be polite about it.
I think if it were my child telling people ';if you're not nice to me you can't come to my party'; then there would be no party period and a long discussion on why it isn't nice or appropriate to say those things to people. I'm surprised the teachers don't step in and tell the kids ';that's not a nice thing to say. how would you feel if someone said that to you?'; but they don't.
Every parent in the world wants to think their child is a perfect angel that wouldn't do those things either. Sadly, some of them if not all of them do at some point. Maybe the parents that are aware their child is that way just don't want to believe it and ';turn a deaf ear and blind eye'; in denial because they don't know how to deal with it. What's sadder is that sometimes kids pick this stuff up from TEACHERS after the parents leave because they over hear the teachers talk between themselves about ';so and so being a trouble case'; or ';so and so is a pain in the neck because of __';. If parents could hear half of what gets said by teachers in lounges and between each other it would infuriate them to no living end at how cruel teachers can be once the school doors close and the day begins. I've seen it first hand and refused to sit for lunch in the lounge after the first day because of how bad some of it was. I preferred to eat in solitude on my own rather than listen to adults belittle children because they thought they were behind closed doors.
It's sad to say that children DO learn bad behaviors from their parents. If the parents are mean to others...gossiping/judging others around the child, they will pick it up. They could also learn it from older siblings. This is a little more acceptable seeing as teenagers still act like children.
If it really bothers you then have a talk with some of the mothers and see if they have seen the same behavior for their children. You should all learn to cooperate so that your girls don't turn into ';mean girls'; someday.
Though I hate to say they might not grow out of it until their late teens. I've seen many girls being ignored for a party invitation over the most trivial things, so don't be to surprised, even if you have a talk about it, if she keeps on acting like this until she's 18.
All of use say we don't say or do that stuff in front of our kids. I have meet a few that really don't, But no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. These kids get it from somewhere. TV, where are the parents while the kids are watching? Don't believe half of what people say they do or don't do with their kids because they will never admit the truth. All you can do is correct your own child if you hear her say this stuff and hope for the best.
Girls are probably slightly worse than boys, I think. But I think they get it from siblings, shows, other kids at school, and parents who say things they probably don't even realize they say. I remember I was out shopping one time and overheard a probably five-six year old girl looking at an outfit and say, ';oh my *God*!'; Her mother barely even batted an eyelash. I couldn't imagine my kid saying that at that age!
Maybe you can come to pick her up a few minutes early and watch her interacting with the other kids ... for me this has been a bit of an eye opener - both about my son's behavior (which I'm not surprised, and if anything I';m too quick to blame him!) and the behavior of other kids. There's one boy in the class (the teacher's son) who is very bossy, and knowing his mother LOL I know where he got it from! : /
Those are all teachable moments. When she comes home saying stuff that concerns you then you need to stop everything you're doing and have a little heart to heart with her. You can say something like ';What does Anna do that makes people think she's mean';. ';How do you think it makes Anna feel to be left out'; ';What do you think you'll do if the girls call you mean or leave you out of a party one day';
Then follow up with ';What are some things you do that makes you nice'; ';If someone is being mean to another child at school, what can you do to help that child';Mini Mean Girls? Mother's advice?
I worked in a daycare with age 4 kids, the girls imitated the shows that they watched on TV. They talked about party's, boys cheating on them and all kinds of stuff. I thinks its horrible!!
Some pick it up from moms, but mostly from the baby sitter TV
She picks them up around school.
Around school we learn allot [13]
-Stuff that we weren't used to at home.
just sit her down and talk 2 her about whats rude and whats honest.
and that somethings are better received when its said in our head.
-Good Luck (:
they get it from older siblings
I wonder this myself. I have a little boy,but believe me, boy world is no different when they are little at the toddler/preschool age. I had a couple weeks ago in a grocery store a complete strangers child (who was considerably older than mine) tell my son he looked like a freak because he had curly hair and that he should have been a girl. I was livid! I turned around and had a few words with the mother regarding her sons rude mouth and the need he had to bully a 2 year old. My son is barely 2 and this kid was easily about 8- and sporting a shirt from a Nazarene church!! That's what floored me- they were obviously religious people the way they were dressed, but honestly! I guess it evades no one in this day and age to be that way.
I don't know where kids learn this meanness from. The only thing I can think of is they are picking it up from TV they watch or hearing it from listening to older children or adults who should know better. It's sad that kids have to be that way and that they can't just be polite to each other. Kid's don't have to like everyone they come in contact with in life, but I think they need to be learning that regardless they will be polite about it.
I think if it were my child telling people ';if you're not nice to me you can't come to my party'; then there would be no party period and a long discussion on why it isn't nice or appropriate to say those things to people. I'm surprised the teachers don't step in and tell the kids ';that's not a nice thing to say. how would you feel if someone said that to you?'; but they don't.
Every parent in the world wants to think their child is a perfect angel that wouldn't do those things either. Sadly, some of them if not all of them do at some point. Maybe the parents that are aware their child is that way just don't want to believe it and ';turn a deaf ear and blind eye'; in denial because they don't know how to deal with it. What's sadder is that sometimes kids pick this stuff up from TEACHERS after the parents leave because they over hear the teachers talk between themselves about ';so and so being a trouble case'; or ';so and so is a pain in the neck because of __';. If parents could hear half of what gets said by teachers in lounges and between each other it would infuriate them to no living end at how cruel teachers can be once the school doors close and the day begins. I've seen it first hand and refused to sit for lunch in the lounge after the first day because of how bad some of it was. I preferred to eat in solitude on my own rather than listen to adults belittle children because they thought they were behind closed doors.
It's sad to say that children DO learn bad behaviors from their parents. If the parents are mean to others...gossiping/judging others around the child, they will pick it up. They could also learn it from older siblings. This is a little more acceptable seeing as teenagers still act like children.
If it really bothers you then have a talk with some of the mothers and see if they have seen the same behavior for their children. You should all learn to cooperate so that your girls don't turn into ';mean girls'; someday.
Though I hate to say they might not grow out of it until their late teens. I've seen many girls being ignored for a party invitation over the most trivial things, so don't be to surprised, even if you have a talk about it, if she keeps on acting like this until she's 18.
All of use say we don't say or do that stuff in front of our kids. I have meet a few that really don't, But no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. These kids get it from somewhere. TV, where are the parents while the kids are watching? Don't believe half of what people say they do or don't do with their kids because they will never admit the truth. All you can do is correct your own child if you hear her say this stuff and hope for the best.
Girls are probably slightly worse than boys, I think. But I think they get it from siblings, shows, other kids at school, and parents who say things they probably don't even realize they say. I remember I was out shopping one time and overheard a probably five-six year old girl looking at an outfit and say, ';oh my *God*!'; Her mother barely even batted an eyelash. I couldn't imagine my kid saying that at that age!
Maybe you can come to pick her up a few minutes early and watch her interacting with the other kids ... for me this has been a bit of an eye opener - both about my son's behavior (which I'm not surprised, and if anything I';m too quick to blame him!) and the behavior of other kids. There's one boy in the class (the teacher's son) who is very bossy, and knowing his mother LOL I know where he got it from! : /
I need a mother's advice please, thanks!?
Hi, I wanted a mother's advice because I have to tell my mom about something and not only am I a little scared, but I want it to turn out in my favor. Haha, well my situation is is that I tried out this on-line dating thing, and I meet this really awesome guy. We've been emailing each other, and he seems to have a lot of what I'm looking for in a guy. Really devoted to his goals etc...I'm 20 and the guy is 27 years old. Anyways I live at home, full time student, and well I'm pretty close to my mom. But I'm afraid she'll get too perinoid (you know because everyone on-line is a cereal killer!) and think I have bad judgement. I might be a little nieve at times, but I've always been the mature type. I'm happy, and that's a really hard thing to communicate with my mom. She's really not the easiest person to talk too, but I was wondering if your daughter was in a similar situation, how would you want her to tell you that she wants to meet up someday with this guy she meet on-line? Thanks!I need a mother's advice please, thanks!?
A wolf in sheep's clothing!
What is it about cyber space that people don't understand these days. He is everything he was able to let you know about him over the Internet. A picture maybe, picked wisely that may or may not actually be him.
Life is scary, AND EVEN SCARIER WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE IT OVER THE INTERNET!I need a mother's advice please, thanks!?
say this, ';Mom, I met this guy on line and he makes me happy. I want to meet with him in person. But I would feel safer if you came with me the first time, I wanted you to meet him anyway.'; She'll get to see for herself that he's not a killer and use her own intuition. Oh, and good luck. I met my husband on line in a chatroom about 10 yrs ago
i am talking to you as a mother and yes i would like to know if my daughter was thinking about dating a guy on line for there are alot of perverts that will promise you everthing in life they will make you feel they truely do care for you and they will hurt you in the long run and it really depends on long you have been talking to him
most of these men have alot of problems and if you dont know this person well enough who knows if you were to met and he was a pervert he could raped you if you feel any doubts about heim just delete him and have no further contact
then again if you think you could trust him i would ask your mother her advice just be careful for some guys will lie to you and hurt you in the long run
If i was to say yes i would take a few friends with you, just in case you find trouble, But you are 20 yrs old to does mom control your life? Like i said just be careful, If you have never seen this person before, people can say alot online and they can be a total jerks too, Like i said if my daughter wanted to do something like that she surely would be going alone. Take some friends.
Sorry but I would feel the same as your Mom, you have no idea who this person really is, so if you go ahead and meet him do it in a public place and don't go off with him anywhere until after you get to know him. Tell him to come to your home to see you. Parents have a good gut sense when it comes to people. tread carefully.
justtellyourmother.shewas20onece
yes i would or if not yr mam tell yr Friend where u are meeting and make sure its in a public place text yr friend as soon as u get there or even better get some one to drop u of and pick u back up but most of all be safe yes Internet dating can be dangerous but can all so be good there is a lot of weirdos out there just remember that
It would probably be best not to ';meet up'; with this guy online until you feel comfortable talking to your mother about him. Have you even exchanged phone numbers with him yet? Try talking on the phone first---get to know him better before deciding to meet him out in public for a first date. I suggest a restaurant or another public place. There is a stigma associated with online dating like you said, so you may not want to go announcing that right away because this guy won't have a chance. Be careful!
Have you thoroughly checked this guy out? Run a background check on him through a detective agency to verify what he's told you before you even consider meeting him. Your mother has every right to be paranoid-there are alot of evil people out there, many of whom are, in fact, serial killers. What makes you think that he can't be one? When these guys are caught, you always hear the relatives and neighbors saying what nice guys they are. Be very cautious and check out everything that he's told you very carefully to make sure there are no inconsistencies. If he has nothing to hide, then he won't object to the scrutiny. When you have that kind of proof, then you can approach your mother. All her questions will have been answered.
if you know this guy a lot and trust him, meet up in a place thats REALLY public, well like so you dont get kidnappend. if he ask's to leave with you in a car or somewhere, where there is nobody around, then say something like oh im terribly sorry i have to blah blah blah. after some time you will either gradually start trusting him or not, and if you do, tell your mother about how he is, and if you and your mother are close then she will accept this. and if she ask's where you met him, just say on the internet, but i think she will get kind of parinoid but what parent doesn't.
sometimes when you want something you have to be willing to take the risk.
need more advice e-mail me at crazyygurrlx@yahoo.com
My daughter was 18 when she had met a guy on internet chats. She took it upon herself to fly over 1,000 mi. to meet him. They have been married for 5yrs. now. when she called to say she was not coming back home. I WAS PANICKED!!!! I was so worried. I did not sleep for weeks. He turned out to be an awsome son-in-law but we were lucky. I have heard of lots of things that did not work out.PLEASE!!!!!! Tell your mom and boyh of you decide if he is an ok guy first before you meet him. Do backgroud checks ect....skin care
A wolf in sheep's clothing!
What is it about cyber space that people don't understand these days. He is everything he was able to let you know about him over the Internet. A picture maybe, picked wisely that may or may not actually be him.
Life is scary, AND EVEN SCARIER WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE IT OVER THE INTERNET!I need a mother's advice please, thanks!?
say this, ';Mom, I met this guy on line and he makes me happy. I want to meet with him in person. But I would feel safer if you came with me the first time, I wanted you to meet him anyway.'; She'll get to see for herself that he's not a killer and use her own intuition. Oh, and good luck. I met my husband on line in a chatroom about 10 yrs ago
i am talking to you as a mother and yes i would like to know if my daughter was thinking about dating a guy on line for there are alot of perverts that will promise you everthing in life they will make you feel they truely do care for you and they will hurt you in the long run and it really depends on long you have been talking to him
most of these men have alot of problems and if you dont know this person well enough who knows if you were to met and he was a pervert he could raped you if you feel any doubts about heim just delete him and have no further contact
then again if you think you could trust him i would ask your mother her advice just be careful for some guys will lie to you and hurt you in the long run
If i was to say yes i would take a few friends with you, just in case you find trouble, But you are 20 yrs old to does mom control your life? Like i said just be careful, If you have never seen this person before, people can say alot online and they can be a total jerks too, Like i said if my daughter wanted to do something like that she surely would be going alone. Take some friends.
Sorry but I would feel the same as your Mom, you have no idea who this person really is, so if you go ahead and meet him do it in a public place and don't go off with him anywhere until after you get to know him. Tell him to come to your home to see you. Parents have a good gut sense when it comes to people. tread carefully.
justtellyourmother.shewas20onece
yes i would or if not yr mam tell yr Friend where u are meeting and make sure its in a public place text yr friend as soon as u get there or even better get some one to drop u of and pick u back up but most of all be safe yes Internet dating can be dangerous but can all so be good there is a lot of weirdos out there just remember that
It would probably be best not to ';meet up'; with this guy online until you feel comfortable talking to your mother about him. Have you even exchanged phone numbers with him yet? Try talking on the phone first---get to know him better before deciding to meet him out in public for a first date. I suggest a restaurant or another public place. There is a stigma associated with online dating like you said, so you may not want to go announcing that right away because this guy won't have a chance. Be careful!
Have you thoroughly checked this guy out? Run a background check on him through a detective agency to verify what he's told you before you even consider meeting him. Your mother has every right to be paranoid-there are alot of evil people out there, many of whom are, in fact, serial killers. What makes you think that he can't be one? When these guys are caught, you always hear the relatives and neighbors saying what nice guys they are. Be very cautious and check out everything that he's told you very carefully to make sure there are no inconsistencies. If he has nothing to hide, then he won't object to the scrutiny. When you have that kind of proof, then you can approach your mother. All her questions will have been answered.
if you know this guy a lot and trust him, meet up in a place thats REALLY public, well like so you dont get kidnappend. if he ask's to leave with you in a car or somewhere, where there is nobody around, then say something like oh im terribly sorry i have to blah blah blah. after some time you will either gradually start trusting him or not, and if you do, tell your mother about how he is, and if you and your mother are close then she will accept this. and if she ask's where you met him, just say on the internet, but i think she will get kind of parinoid but what parent doesn't.
sometimes when you want something you have to be willing to take the risk.
need more advice e-mail me at crazyygurrlx@yahoo.com
My daughter was 18 when she had met a guy on internet chats. She took it upon herself to fly over 1,000 mi. to meet him. They have been married for 5yrs. now. when she called to say she was not coming back home. I WAS PANICKED!!!! I was so worried. I did not sleep for weeks. He turned out to be an awsome son-in-law but we were lucky. I have heard of lots of things that did not work out.PLEASE!!!!!! Tell your mom and boyh of you decide if he is an ok guy first before you meet him. Do backgroud checks ect....
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MOTHER...Need advice on how to have a relationship with her...?
She's 64...a classic text book case Passive Aggressive woman. I recently set up strict, clear boundaries with her regarding calling me and coming over without calling, just to ';see her grandchildren, just bringing over some candy';.
Anyone of you have a P/A Mother? Please share coping ideas with me! Thanks in advance!PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MOTHER...Need advice on how to have a relationship with her...?
I thought everybody had a PA mom! I moved 182 miles away. Now I call and visit on the holidays (which requires a lot of napping afterwards ;) I'm 60 and she still calls to make sure I don't put my hand in the microwave...I'm still trying to figure out why the heck she thinks I'd cut it off and put it in the microwave...Wouldn't you think it would bother her more that I'd cut off my hand?...Sorry a little off topic. Anyway, moving stopped the problem for me. Caller ID helps a lot too.PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MOTHER...Need advice on how to have a relationship with her...?
Midnight!! OMG I think I'd start hiding in the closet! Let me know if you need packing tips ;)
i have a similar situation, well really my sister did.....
she divorced her abusive husband and re-married well. then they moved out of state and 45 minutes away. set her off to no end....and took care of the problem.
Anyone of you have a P/A Mother? Please share coping ideas with me! Thanks in advance!PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MOTHER...Need advice on how to have a relationship with her...?
I thought everybody had a PA mom! I moved 182 miles away. Now I call and visit on the holidays (which requires a lot of napping afterwards ;) I'm 60 and she still calls to make sure I don't put my hand in the microwave...I'm still trying to figure out why the heck she thinks I'd cut it off and put it in the microwave...Wouldn't you think it would bother her more that I'd cut off my hand?...Sorry a little off topic. Anyway, moving stopped the problem for me. Caller ID helps a lot too.PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MOTHER...Need advice on how to have a relationship with her...?
Midnight!! OMG I think I'd start hiding in the closet! Let me know if you need packing tips ;)
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i have a similar situation, well really my sister did.....
she divorced her abusive husband and re-married well. then they moved out of state and 45 minutes away. set her off to no end....and took care of the problem.
Hello i need some legal advice if i would to marry my ficanee will her mother controle end? i need to know?
My fiancee is going to be married soon and i was wonderig if i would to marry her would her mother be able to gain custady of her and her children. my fiancee is 20 and i am 20 and i was wanting to know if she becoms the member of my family by marrying her since her last name wil be mine and so as my kids would that help prevent her mother from gaining custoday of her and her. my soon to be wife is very smart and to me is coherant?Hello i need some legal advice if i would to marry my ficanee will her mother controle end? i need to know?
As long as you are both 18 or over you are free and clear to live your own lives.
Good luck!Hello i need some legal advice if i would to marry my ficanee will her mother controle end? i need to know?
I don't really understand the question. Does your fiancee have a medical condition?? If she is an adult and you marry her, there is no way, unless for some weird legal reason, that your fiancee's mother would be able to gain custody of her or your children.
Do you mean that her mother thinks that her daughter is not competent to take care of her own kids?
I don't understand your question.
As long as you are both 18 or over you are free and clear to live your own lives.
Good luck!Hello i need some legal advice if i would to marry my ficanee will her mother controle end? i need to know?
I don't really understand the question. Does your fiancee have a medical condition?? If she is an adult and you marry her, there is no way, unless for some weird legal reason, that your fiancee's mother would be able to gain custody of her or your children.
Do you mean that her mother thinks that her daughter is not competent to take care of her own kids?
I don't understand your question.
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