Honest advice- mother/daughter relationship?

i've never truly had a good relationship with my mother. i am an only child and she, a single parent. i leave for college in august, but i've reached a point where i am just emotionally and mentally spent. i am posting this question so as to receive any advice that i can. i am constantly called demeaning names in a condescending tone that makes me sick. i'm smart enough to know that that is not how a healthy mother-daughter dynamic is carried out.


it has always been my biggest fear that i would turn out like my mother.. i hate it when i inadvertently mimic her mannerisms or anything like that. whether it be physical emotional or mental, there are too many incidents that i care to mention.


previously i've posted a question that concerned the possible future nature of our relationship, but now i'm aware of the fact that there is no relationship to speak of.Honest advice- mother/daughter relationship?
I am so sorry your mother says these hurtful things to you. Is she going through the change of life? Don't blame yourself for your mother is an angry mom. No you can't have a rela-


tionship now but don't give up. Remember you ARE a good daughter and if she sees different than other mothers then you have to forgive yourself and forgive her. Never carry around resentment or hate. That's very important. She is a very negative image to you and you should find something you can see, at least, a little good in her. Looking for people's good where it is hard to find, will make you a better person.


You have learned how you feel when your mother speaks to you and hurts you deeply.





You will remain strong and not treat your children that way or anyone. Just remember to forget the resentment, forgive her then forgive yourself for hating her. I know this is hard to do, but to remain in your state now can harm your life and add misery to it. Hold your temper when everyone looses theirs.


and you will have wisdom and happiness. I promise.





God bless you and have a very happy life, that the way God wants you to be. Try, what I have told you. It took me many years to learn this and now I have no grudges and am very happy.





Take care, and I will pray for for and your mother,





MaryHonest advice- mother/daughter relationship?
Your mother is an individual, independent of being your mother. Your personality will determine the type of parent you become and personality is mainly a function of psychological habit. You can ask your mother to change or you can choose to change your reaction to her. Choose not to be hurt by her (it'll be very hard at first but you can eventually manage your reactions).
you can try to change your mom but trying to change people never ends well. So unfortanutley, you will have to accept the fact that your realation ship is not where it should be. And make sure that if you have a daughter you will put in effort to make your realationship perfect. And find love in your friends... the family that you actually choose.





- Best of luck
Awww hon...





You can't allow her to take her anger out on you. She's bitter and resentful and that's not your fault. The best thing you could possibly do is to talk to your mom. If she can't understand that she's hurting you and treating you unfairly, you will be forced for sanity's sake to move on and limit time with her.
Do you think you turned out okay? Your mother had something to do with that. Be patient, give it some time. Since you won't be living with her on a daily basis, there is no reason to do anything drastic. As you grow older and wiser you may begin to see the value in what she has done. If not you can always stay away. Remember you only have one mother.
You do not deserve that kind of treatment. Though how would you feel if you just rode it out and something terrible happened to one of you? I am not sure what to tell you here other than to just keep away from her as much as possible and if you need to turn your back on her then so be it.
Never have a child out of wedlock, no matter what !


If you do, abort the fetus.


IF your MOM had, you would not be asking questions now


She made your birthday suit that your soul desired


She will soon be alone Do not thank her for raising you on her own.or bringing you to where she will again be alone


She should be pitied not censored. Make sure no man can get at that hard won birthday suit until after your married !!


CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME
I guess this is going to sound cruel..............but just wait it out.


..........and when you do leave, just don't go back.
Just let time do it's work. Wait it out...
I don't think you should end you relationship altogether. You're still growing up and you may need her at some point in the future (even if for only financial support). Just keep your contact with her short and sweet and don't let her take control of you. Next time she calls you something nasty resist the urge to retaliate and tell her how hurtful that is. That she is the only mother you have and it's painful to think that someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally could say something so mean.





You have to realize that as a single mom, she's been under a lot of stress and she is doing the best that she can for her circumstances. Your mom is only human, she makes mistakes just like everyone else.
Some time's in you're life you have to let go of somthing to go foward in you're life. And thats not forever just for now you need time to grow up! Going to collage is wonderfull thats the start of grown up. I left my mom at 15 and did'nt go back untill i was 40. Lived my life as i saw fit learning as i went and started to see things about me i use to hate about my mom and saw some kinda sents to some of what she usto try to pound in my head. Then when we did get together it was'nt like it use to be it was on a hole other plane she and i talk and enjoy our time together. some things i know now not to even go there. if you know what i mean, im in controle of how i'm going to feel. Dont give up on her, just give you're self a break. And time to grow in to who you want to be! What you think counts! Best of luck!
Leaving the nest is probably the only effective way you have to deal with it at this time. Your mother will feel as long as you are home that she has the right to speak to your in her condescending manner, and most likely feels it is your fault when she does. If you want to later on, after you have established a life for yourself, you may be able to rebuild the relationship where she has to treat you with the respect we all deserve simply for being human. You are right to be concerned about mimicking her ways, but you have the freedom to choose not to. My advice is to build healthy relationships in your new environs. Gravitate towards people who seem to know how to build them. Practicing saying positive things about other people. Adversity of all sorts can make us better if we do let it overcome us, this is no different.
On one hand, you’re saying you’re aware of the fact that there is no relationship to speak of…and on the other hand (additional details), you ask what you can do to deal with this type of relationship….





So…is there a relationship or not?





Let me clarify it for you: you have a relationship with your mother because she’s your mother and the fact that the relationship is bad does not mean it’s non existent.





In a family unit, other family members act as “buffers” between two individuals. Like a girl could feel closer to her father, which would make her mother not such a problem. Or a sibling might have some favorable traits that the other sibling does not have and therefore use that as an affirming tool.


In your case, an only child with a single parent, you had no buffer. No brothers or sisters to be better or worse than you, no father to be better or worse than your mother.





It is a hard and unjust situation but that’s what you were dealt with. Know that it is also hard for your mother who lashed out on you in her loneliness.





Luckily, you are going to college, meaning you are “leaving the (unhealthy) nest” and becoming an adult.


Once you’re an adult, with responsibilities, you will understand your mother better and will not be afraid anymore of having her mannerisms or looking like her. You will be able to interact with her on a woman to woman basis and not a mother/daughter crooked relationship.





Even in very stable mother/father, lots of kids, stable families, the teenage years are the hardest on both sides. You will get over those and emerge on the other side and it will just be a bad memory.





Don’t give up and just be patient until you grow up.