Getting Harassed By My Mother....advice please.?

Ok so we are getting married on October 17, 2009. I was talking to my mom last night and she started harassing me about even having a wedding (this is my 2nd his 1st). She said it is not proper for me to have a wedding and that I should just get married and have a big party. May I remind you this is his first wedding he wants a wedding we want to celebrate with our families. Then we got to talking about wedding registry. She said because I have already been married I should not register. She also says I should not have a bridal shower either. I told her fine I won't he will! BTW my mom lives in Hawaii and me in California.





My mom supports me in my decision to marry him but not the wedding itself. It hurts that I can not talk to her about this. Is she right? What do you think? Oh btw my sister is getting married in April (she also lives in hawaii). And no my mother is not helping either of us pay for our weddings.Getting Harassed By My Mother....advice please.?
Your mother, albeit it is your mother, sounds jealous of your good fortune of finding a man to marry you, regardless of whether you were previously married. If she is NOT contributing to the funding of the wedding, she really has no say so in the matter.





If her negative opinion of 'harassing' you continues, sometime you have to tell family members to step off. It is not healthy and she will likely focus on your husband next if you do not stop her nonsense now.





You are a grown woman doing grown woman things. You do not need another woman - your mother - putting a damper on the happiest day of your life. Do not let others spoil your day, including family members.





Congratulations and good luck in your second marriage! It is going to be a blessed one!Getting Harassed By My Mother....advice please.?
Well, with all due respect to mom's: mine has a few opinions about my wedding too. I dont know why she does not want you having a wedding? it should not have to do with you being married earlier. is it maybe coz the time frames between the first and second is short? But in any case - Like you said, it is his first wedding and even if its your second - you should have a wedding, the shower, the party and all that!





good luck.
Sure have a wedding do what you feel is right and will make you all happy, for some reason this ';happy time'; always stresses people (especially mothers) out and they want to re-live their lives through you.
No your mother is only relating it to you, but there is him to consider, it doesn't matter anyway if it's your second. You are marrying a totally different person. Plan a wedding and good luck
Everyone has their opinion. Do your thing. Your life.
No pay, No say!!!! Make this your mantra! She has no say because she is not paying.





You are not the first bride (or 2nd time bride) to hear this nonsense. I don't want you to listen to it, though. If she doesn't want to come or doesn't want to pay or doesn't want to go to wedding or get you a gift you registered for, OH WELL! Don't let her ruin it for you and for your husband and for everyone else. You know what? You are the bride no matter what you were before or after your big day, you are the bride, and you get to decide!!! I think it is BEAUTIFUL of you to think of your husband and to want to give him a beautiful wedding and celebation. Do not listen to those who would like to take that away from either of you!





Remember that this is a celebration of your love for your husband-to-be and also of his love for you. His love for you is just as much of a big deal now as it would have been if you would have been married to him first!!! (Actually, it might all mean that much more to you now!) So, you plan the wedding of your dreams. Have a maid of honor or best man (or both) throw a COUPLE's shower (invite couples, family, friends, and make the games more action packed, and the prizes bigger). If people from your side of the guest list opt out, don't be offended, but be grateful for those who show their support for your new life with your new husband. Those are going to be your support system forever.





Bless you! Keep your chin up! Do not let the past haunt you! Do not forget to ENJOY EVERY MINUTE OF IT!
That is your mothers opinion NOT yours. You tell your mother straight up that you don't care what she thinks. This is your life, YOUR money, YOUR time, YOUR life. If she doesn't like it then that is ON her NOT you. I say plan your wedding you want, have it as lavish or as simple as you want. Invite your mom, if she does or does not show up that is ON her.





BTW: I remarried 8 years ago. My mother never said a word about me planning a small wedding (which turned into one of the saddest days of my life. Other people ruined the day for us.)





Good luck. :)
Your mother will only harrass you as much as you let her. She only needs information on a need-to-know basis ... as in, when and where the wedding will be, what time she needs to show up, and where the reception will be.





The next time you call her, do not bring up the wedding. Talk to her about other things, and if she starts complaining about your wedding, change the subject or say, ';Sorry Mom, I don't want to argue. I love you, I'll talk to you again next week. Bye!'; and hang up.





Etiquette-wise, I'm not sure that it's considered polite for a second-time bride to register or have a bridal shower. But it's not your decision to have a bridal shower ... it's up to the person who happens to host it (if you even get one ... not every bride does, and no bride is entitled to it). All you can do is smile and be gracious if you get one, and smile and be gracious if you don't. If you have one and she doesn't like it, then she doesn't need to attend.
Perhaps I a bit old-fashioned,





but I do believe that you don't get a complete do-over.





You shouldn't have a bridal shower - but you can do a couples shower.





You shouldn't register - but a lot of people don't to encourage cash gifts.





As far as the wedding is concerned, personally, I'd have the wedding, but not the full bridal party bit - just a BM/MOH.





There is a balance you can find.
Go ahead and do things your way. She's not right, but she may not necessarily be wrong either. If you two have only known each other a brief period of time, and your last marriage ended less than a year ago, I could see her concern about upsetting and offending others. But it seems the wedding is almost a year away, so I'm guessing this isn't the case. Have the wedding you two want. You're paying for it, so you get the final say. If someone is truly offended or upset by a bridal shower/wedding registry/etc, then they'll either skip the gift, or spend less. Let them make the decision. Just don't forget to put smaller items on the registry for those who don't plan on spending a lot (whether they're offended, or just can't afford it). As for the bridal shower, that's something the bridesmaids throw for the bride. In theory, it's a gift from the maids to the bride, therefore, the bride shouldn't really have any say in that! If they throw you one, so be it! You can't really tell them to throw you one or not to, that would come across as very rude. I wish you the best of luck!
If you are paying for your own wedding then who cares what she thinks?





I'd say she was right if both of you had been married before (huge blow outs for marriage #12 is a bit silly, Liz Taylor and ZsaZsa Gabor), but that is not the case here. Just remind her once that this is his first (%26amp; hopefully last) wedding and he deserves to have the wedding that he wants. Then drop it and refuse to discuss the wedding with her any more.





Talk to your sister about your happy day (%26amp; hers) or to your friends. Sometimes, in order to live in peace, we have to give up a fantasy to remain in reality. In your case, the fantasy you are giving up is your mother being happy about a wedding. Just focus on the fact that she supports you in the marriage and that is what is really important. The wedding is one day but your marriage to this man will be a lifetime.
she's being old fashioned - and she's probably overreacting because she's worried that somehow, someone will whisper something negative about it being your 2nd wedding - yes old fashioned.





nowadays, many people have 2nd weddings! Nothing wrong with it.





you are well within your right, to celebrate the fact that you have found a wonderful person, that you want to spend the rest of your life with.





its not just a party, it means something to the both of you. she doesnt understand that.





yes, you can have a wedding, AND a registry. shes not getting married a 2nd time, you are. dont pay attention to her hyped up notions about it, do what you want.





whats not proper - is her harassing you about having a wedding. you have EVERY right to have a wedding.
Well I would tell my mother if she was like this to go sit on her high horse and opinions and to keep out of it.





My mother and I had a difference of opinion on something and we did not speak to each other for 6 years!





It is your wedding. Who care's if it is a first or a second!





I am getting married in 24 days.





It is my second marriage but my first was a mistake in vegas and ended 3 days later.





but no one but my future hubby knows about that.
Listen,





It doesn't matter if you have been married before, he hasn't.





If you are pretending to be a first time virginal bride then yes, your mother does have a point but....a second time bride can walk down the aisle, have attendants and a reception afterwards...





You may wear anything you wish....white does not mean virginal..it really means wealth...it can also symbolize the purity of your hearts %26amp; the love that you share, and the 'cleaving to each other' and 'putting all other's aside' in other words, the fidelity and commitment you to will be making to each other. I would, however, avoid the blusher for that is traditionally for a first time bride, unless you marry in a colored gown and your headpeice has a face veil in a color (think the hat nets many women wore in the 20's-50's)





A bridal registry is for the convenience of your guests so they have an idea what you'd like should they choose to gift you...they will also be told if anything has already been purchased. However, it's a suggestion, not a demand.





Have a jack %26amp; jill shower instead and the gifts can be novelty ones and ones of a personal or romantic nature..but the shower is up to others, not you. Throwing a guy shower is a great idea...he can recieve stuff of a sports or' tool time 'nature....even gift cards to Home Depot is a great idea...guys do deserve their own showers I believe!





When she starts again I would tell her that it's not fair to cheat your guy outta this stuff just because his bride has been married before and quite frankly, if you're footing the bill it's up to you, not her...if she objects that much, she doesn't have to attend.....it can be done in good taste....good luck.





Her second marriage was a huge wedding? Then why is it any different for you? and tell her so...then ignore it.