Yes, I've been through it. And you are right. It doesn't matter how old you are, it still effects you. It's a weird day when you start to realize that you parents are just people and not the super human being we think they are when we are young. They have their issues and problems just the same as we do.
We rely on our parents as our safety net and for security. But their divorce isn't going to change that. You still have two parents who love you. You still have them to talk to and rely on. Divorce from each other does not equal divorce from you.
Be careful not to let yourself get in the middle of it. And don't try to ';fix'; the marriage. They are adults and this is their decision.
Part of what bothers us when our parents divorce is the fear that if THEY can't keep a marriage together, that we won't be able to either. Don't let yourself start thinking that. You are not your parents. What you CAN do is learn from it. What was the cause of the breakdown? Can you learn from that and prevent it in your own marriage?
Be open and honest with them and let them know how you feel. But don't get involved in the details or take sides. You will never know all of the truth of the situation so try and stay neutral. Talk to your parents about it. You might find a counselor to talk to as well. What you are feeling is very normal. You will be okay. Eventually, you will all figure it out and it will work.
My parents were separated (never officially divorce for money reasons) for 17 years. When Dad got sick, he needed to be cared for so he moved in with me. That was a tough adjustment. I was worried that Mom would not want to come over and visit because he was there. It was a stressful time. But we all sat down and worked it out. In the end, it worked fine. Both parents agreed to set aside differences and work together.
Dad eventually passes away. But I was gratful for the time I had with him. By not letting their marital problems get in my way, I was able to spend the last year of my father's life with him and enjoy it.
You will learn how to enjoy your parents equally, but separately. It sounds awful and hard, but you can do it!
What do you have to lean on? Hmmm...only you can answer that. If your only strength comes from you parents, that's a problem.
I had my faith and trust in God. I know that no matter how weird my life gets, He is the rock that never moves or fails me. I can talk to Him in prayer and ask for help and guidence. This is what got me through it and continues to help me.
How about your husband? Any siblings? You might be surprised at where your help comes from. Find someone to talk to about it. (you can always email me :)
YOu'll be fine! ;)What advice does anyone have for a 25 yr old mother going through the divorce of her parents?
I know how you feel my parent are divorced it's a hard thing but you will get over it. it's been hard but i have learned to deal with it anyway. it is hard i am not say that it isn't
cool girl
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It's harder then what most people think, but what you need to do is remove yourself from their problems %26amp; always remember that they each love you no differently. Your world is not falling apart, just changing. If either of them makes you feel at any time that you are siding or need to side with one over the other - stop them and tell them right away what they are doing. Understand that at some point they may move on with another person and what you must focus on is their happiness. Ask yourself if you would rather have two divorced parents that are happy with their lives or married parents that are miserable!
Just because your older doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt...The only advantage is that your old enough to understand and make your own decisions and have your own thoughts and feelings than a child who is young and doesn't know or understand......Just try to be there for both parents. It must be hard for them as well.....If your open minded then you can still heal as a family even though your parents are divorcing......
Hot, I feel badly for you, but my husband and I are middle-aged, and we have gone through the divorces of many friends who had children who were young adults, and after a few years go by, we have realized that it was probably the best thing for everyone. A lot of these couples just wait until the children are raised to end a marriage that hasn't been much of a marriage for a long time.
Try to maintain your relationships with both of them. Don't let them put you in the middle of their problems. Don't take the position that one person is the good person and one person the bad person. You probably don't know everything about their relationship.
Have a plan about how you are going to deal with holidays. Don't let them guilt trip you about seeing the other person. If necessary, if one of them doesn't want you to have anything to do with that horrible person who is your other parent, remind that person that the reason that horrible person is your other parent is that he or she slept with him or her.
Take care of yourself. Good luck.
my parents split up 10 years ago and now they are finally divorced and when the papers came through it was hard to accept that it was finally over.
I don't thnk there is anything to say but as long as long as you have support from your family and friends you'll be ok.
AND DON'T BLAME YOURSELF
the parents are divorcing each other-not their children (adult or otherwise). it is not up to you to try to ';fix'; their problem. try to remain neutral and to get along with both of them.
Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes divorce is a mistake, depends on the circumstances but all you can do is to be loving and understanding to both of them. If they are on friendly terms with one another, it would help. But if not, try not to take sides. As to your hurting over their divorce, time will take care of it and a lot of tears.
its more difficult to accept parents divorce as u grow older... u r old enuf to advise them not to... if they still wana do it, u can visit them seperately as n when u want tho its not easy to see them seperate...u have ur own baby is what I understand..so concentrate on ur baby n see it to it u dont do same mistake
pray for strength. and try to leave them to themselves until the dust settles.
i would imagine that as an adult u still hurt behind something like this, but being an adult u are better equipped than a minor to understand the dynamics that lead to divorce.
pray for strength. one or both of ur parents may need u as their rock
It depends on how old your parents are and we never DIVORCE them we just move out and have our own place and visit once a week. Just to make sure that they are alright any thing else at your age would be a burden as you have your own life to live they already had there's so no it's not a total parting it's just a rest from them for a while.
AGONY UNCLE
The effect of divorce is devastating for kids no matter what age. At 25 you have the ability to sort things out better than a younger person, though. You say you feel as if your world is falling apart, and in some ways it is - acknowledge that - the world as you know it will be different. You need time to grieve the death of your parents marriage. Some of what you are experiencing is the total lack of any control over what is happening. Your parents will still be there, however unfortunately they will not be together. There is a way you can establish some control - think about how you will deal with your parents %26amp; your kids' birthdays and other special events. Tell your parents how it will be - if you want both parents at events tell them you expect them to behave and not ruin your kids' parties. Think about how to handle Christmas, etc - Christmas Eve with one parent Christmas Day with the other, etc. If you start to process some of the changes you will begin to feel more control.
I hope this helps - Good luck.
I can understand how it can be hard, but you need to try to look at it from a different perspective. Chances are, your parents stayed together because they thought it was best for you. They love you!
However, they deserve to be happy! You need to try to look at this with an understanding heart! Divorce is NEVER easy! I'm sure they thought that by waiting until you were an adult, it would be easier for you. Try to be appreciative of the sacrifies they made to keep the marriage together through the most crucial times in your life. Although it isn't ever easy, as an adult, you should have the ability to see things a little clearer and be willing to understand why they are doing it. Sometimes the life that we give our children is completely different than the life we are actually living! I am in that situation right now. My children have no idea how unhappy I truly am! They have no idea that their father and I have only had sex 1 time in the last year! They have no idea the he is financially ruining us! There are many things that I don't allow my children to know because they are not mentally capable of understanding them! BUT, I love them!!!! I stay with their father because I feel they deserve to have both of us in their lives! I believe that it would be worse for them to go through a divorce right now then it is for me to be unhappy!!
You don't understand! You shouldn't understand! That means that one or both of your parents did a great job providing a life for you and hiding their unhappiness for the sake of that life!
I'm sorry you are going through this! I know it must be hard, but it isn't the worst thing in the world! Try to be supportive and understanding! They are searching for happiness - maybe they will find it!!!
just get busy with your own life...
when your parents split its sad no mater how old you are. Just try to stay nutral and not take sides. dont talk about the other parent around the other. Know your parents love u and this is hard for them too
good luck
You have another question posted which makes it clear you have your hands full with your own challenges. Focus on your family and your husband. Mom and dad have their own life. It is not all that unusual for spouses to have difficulty transitioning from being parents to empty-nesters. Some hang on just for the sake of the kids, and feel free to split after the kids appear to be established. It's sad, but it's not your fault. Resolve to do better in your own marriage.
When my parents went through their divorce it was very hard. I couldn't understand how two people after 25 years of being together just give up.
Back then I was crushed, but now I will tell you that it was the best thing that ever happened to me because it gave me the chance to really get to know who my parents are as individuals.
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