After discussions with my soon to be, she suggested that if she couldn't act civil, then she should stay home, and I agree with her, but she's my mother and I feel some guilt about banning her from our wedding. Granted my mom and I don't get along, but shes my mom. I need some advice from those of you out there to give me something to work with to help weigh the situation out. Thank you for your help in advance.Struggling with decisions about inviting mother to my wedding, need advice?
I went through the same thing. My parents separated in March and I got married in September, my Mom was and still is very bitter. We were all worried how she would act at the wedding. My brother told her that if she showed her butt, even looked at my dad wrong, he would escort her out, actually he said he would throw her over his shoulder :) In the end it went off without a hitch. She realized that this day was not about her. So hopefully your mother will realize that she needs to act like an adult on your day too. Just talk to her, pt your foot down and let her know that you just want your day to be perfect and you will not let her ruin it.Struggling with decisions about inviting mother to my wedding, need advice?
I know how you feel, I'm in the same situation. When I told my mom I was getting married she asked right away if she was invited. I told her yes, and I did discuss that I expect her to act accordingly. So she know ahead of time what I expect from her. Another thing that I'm doing is going to seat her on the other side of the hall, and seat her with her brothers, so they can keep a close eye on her and distract her at the same time. Hope this helps.
Your mother being at your wedding is a ONCE IN A LIFETIME opportunity! This is the next big thing for you %26amp; your family. You are about to celebrate your love. Whatever happened in the past, just leave it there. It's important that you invite her because that is your mother! she carried you for 9 months, gave birth to you %26amp; raised you! no matter how bad things were in the past, you should just try to move on, move forward %26amp; be happy. Don't hold grudges or be skeptical of how she might act. You should just remind her that you want her to behave. Tell her that you want her at your wedding, you want to see her happy %26amp; to especially HAVE FUN! this is something you don't want her to miss. To even bring up the past %26amp; argue over it will just cause unnecessary stress for you %26amp; everyone. Don't worry about it %26amp; just focus on your special day.
If you dont invite her it may well be the greatest obstacle that will stand between her and you.
If you do invite her it may be the best move you can make.
You will only ever trully know the merits by inviting her
It would feel very hurtful for a close family member, especially a mother, to not be invited to her son's wedding. People will want to meet and congratulate her. Keep her busy, and seated with her side of the family on one side of you, your father's side on the other. My advice is to invite her, and remember she is ultimately responsible for herself. My opinion is that it is better set an example for what you expect through your own actions, to include rather than exclude, and enjoy your big day!
try the rehearsal dinner and go from there
Invite her but, make it an adult only ceremony to keep your brother away if it will make you feel better your mom might enjoy the excuse for a night out without her son. My parents are also divorced it was nasty its lasted for almost 5 years. (My parents hadn't stepped foot in the same in over 12 years and yes they played me and my sister against the other parent infact my sister and I were legally declared to not be children of the marriage to avoid paying child support)But, on my wedding day they were fine. They each hosted their own table as did my husbands parents who are also divorced. So we had four family tables.And I got 2 mother in laws.
My one mother in law did leave my husband's 2 younger brothers at home and took it as a mini vacation as she needed a break. Children were invited to our ceremony but, she said traveling with a 10 year old down syndrome child who does not adjust well and a 19 year old who is also a total spaz would be too much for her.
Good Luck
I asked the same question a few days ago....I feel for you...this is supposed to be a happy time for you and this just adds a ton of stress that won't end until the wedding is over. I got the advice of talking to all parties seperately with a warning and instill in them that this is your day and not theirs and if they can't prove they love you by granting you this then they have made the decision not to come...those are their only choices on your day! Then if they decide to come have designated monitors(babysitters) for each person to help minimize conflict....obviously seat them away from each other.Good luck to you! I know I'll need as much as you.
You need to have a get together with both sides of both familys way before your wedding. See how things go at the early party and make a decision from there. Should you and your fiance decide to not invite your mom and brother you will have to explain to them that their actions revoked their invitations. Make it very clear that you didn't want to do it but you aren't having children at your wedding and since they can't act like adults they can't come. Good luck.
Invite her, then see how it goes at the rehersal dinner. If she can't control herself for that, tell her she is not welcome at the wedding.
Invite her to the wedding, but not the reception. It'll be hard for anything to happen during the wedding part - however, if you're having both in the same location that could be difficult. Or, talk to your mother tell her the truth - let her know that she is important to you, but in order for you to have her at the wedding she needs to promise you that they'll both behave. Maybe get them to set up a pact for the sake of your wedding. Feel it out, you maybe surprised. If you mother's reaction is as such that she is offended and starts going off...tell her you were afraid she was going to react like that and that is why you won't be able to have her at the wedding. There is enough time between now and then that perhaps getting it over with now, she'll come around. Also, if it works out that they all come...be sure to have them seated at different sides and with different groups of people not related to the situation. Make it much easier for you and your soon-to-be wife. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you! I agree, mothers should be at the wedding. Big day for her too.
Talk with your mom %26amp; your brother %26amp; expain your concerns.
See if they will promise to behave %26amp; then give a trial run by inviting the families to a ';get to know you'; dinner. If they can not behave a dinner then sadly uninvite her but you have to live with your decision years after the bitter divorce wears off. She will be mad with you but she will hate your wife. Unfair but usually the case for inlaws - mothers can not blame their sons %26amp; that only leaves their wives. My Dad is a major pain (believe me my is worse than your mother) but I invited him to all his grandchildren's weddings %26amp; he only showed up for one but rsvp all of them. I do not regret inviting him though %26amp; playing damage control because I have a clear conscience.
Ok. let me get this right. Your mother has instructed your 14 yr old brother - her son - not to talk to his father? Regardless, this is your wedding, yours %26amp; hers. Your his big brother, right? And, this is your mom, irregardless of the fact that the divorce was ugly, your wedding won't be, I'm pretty sure your mom (%26amp; Dad)will want to be there to see you make your vows. Don't rule her out, as bad as she may seem right now %26amp; during this whole process.
You %26amp; your fiancee should console your little brother. He's only 14 years old. Tell him, in so many words, the reality of the situation-don't leave him out. Be honest, but not too blunt. I'm sure he looks up to you. %26amp; is probably a little jealous in the meantime. Now he's the only one home with mom %26amp; the issues from the divorce. (you don't mention anyone else)
If dad is out of the picture, he needs someone, %26amp; that someone is you. If mom is being ridiculous, then fiancee will have to step up. Literally.
Take care %26amp; Congrats on the wedding!
You'll regret it forever if you don't invite your Mom.
Talk with her, and ask her to please not let her own problems interfere with your big day. But, please invite her.
Is it possible to have some of your family members there to watch over things and smooth the way with her for you?
Well, here's the thing: you say she refuses to even speak to your father. If that is literally the case, then you don't have a problem. Just arrange for them to be seated away from one another. It's not like they have to speak to be in pictures together, either.
Now, just to share should you go in the other direction: There were two relatives, a cousin and an aunt, that I specifically did not invite to my wedding, due to abuse I endured from them as a child. I felt no guilt, and though even some of the family may (or maybe not) have wondered what the deal was, I really didn't care. It made my day so much more carefree and special without their evil souls darkening the happiest day of my life. Is your mother like them? I don't know. She doesn't sound like a completely horrible person, albeit that you two don't get along and she can definitely be spiteful. Just have a talk with her about all this. And the sooner the better, so that she can prepare herself mentally and also get over any resentment the talk causes. She's your mom. I'm guessing she'll come around.
You need to have a one-on-one conversation with your mother 'sans' fiancee. This is your MOTHER afterall. If she's not willing to be civil for your wedding, the biggest day of your life, then that's her loss. A wedding invitation is a privilege, not a right, regardless of relation.
As a divorced Mom who hates my ex with a passion and could care less if I ever spoke to him again. I would never cause a scene at one of my children's weddings that is there day. Maybe I am stupid but I can't imagine any parent cause a problem on a day that is that important.
For peace of mind talk to your Mom and explain your fears. tell her if she causes a problem she will be removed from the wedding.
Why does she think your brother should not talk to his Dad. Sorry she needs some help if she wants to control everyone like that.
GOOD LUCK and hope you have a wonderful marriage
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