I need some advice about how to talk to my 12yr old without sounding like my mother?

I have one daughter and I love her very much. But I find myself being short tempered with her. She tries so hard to please me and I have no patience to listen to her. My mother was the same way. She didn't talk to me, she yelled alot though. Don't get me wrong I love my mother, but I just remember her always yelling at me. I want to be able to sit and just talk with my daughter. When she is older I want her to say '; mom, remember that day we...'; That is my wish. So if anybody can help, I would appreciate it. Thank you.I need some advice about how to talk to my 12yr old without sounding like my mother?
I agree with the others that say that you are lucky she still wants to please you...it won't be long before she will be pulling away, forming her own identity.





Use this time..ENJOY this time...and look closely at your life. Figure out what it is that you are REALLY angry about. It doesn't sound like it's really her, she's just handy to take it out on. I'm not trying to be mean, just pointing out what seems to me to be the problem.





If you figure out what you're really angry about, then talk to a minister about it. Get close to God, pray every day for guidance, patience, and good parenting skills. He listens, you know.





Good luck, sugar...and enjoy...my kids are nearly 18, and just turned 16, and it goes SOOO fast!I need some advice about how to talk to my 12yr old without sounding like my mother?
I would really advice counseling. This is a delicate situation, and counseling would be a good option, and since she is so young, and still tries tro please you, that means its not too late. Seek help before it is too late, and she wants nothing to do with you.
just let that little girl show love first...it is not you dam fault
My be you should go see someone like a counselor if she is trying then maybe there is something else wrong like bipolar.





Have a nice day
This is hard to do, especially if you are just starting it. Try to be open minded, listen to her and don't be judgemental. If you find yourself getting heated in the middle of a conversation, take a few deep breaths, recollect, and restart.
i find i do this with my 10 year old daughter and feel as guilty as hell about it so i stop myself even if it's only to explain to her that us mum's are human also and make mistakes when she does something good praise her tell her how great she is and how happy she makes you do stuff together as girls it will help ye bond and have a good friendship as well as just being her mum but one thing always listen to what she has to say
Avoid talking to her when you are angry, wait until you calm down. Think of what you want to say ahead of time, if you find yourself getting angry try a deep breath or two.





Different surroundings might help as well, take her to the park to talk, or go shopping together and chat over lunch.
Try surprising her by talking about something she likes then try to talk about what you need to talk to her about. That's what I did with my 8 year old %26amp; surprisingly it worked
DON'T GO TO COUNSELING!!!!!They TELL you they know how to handle situations like this...but what if they don't?How do you know if counselors REALLY know what they're doing?Anyway...take a deep breath if your angry and talk after you've calmed down.Then GENTLY (but not to gently) sit down next to her/him and talk...if you feel like you're going to burst with anger...count to ten and continue talking.If you're not angry and you just want to talk...AND if she Wants to talk...just let it flow...if she DOESN'T want to talk...DON'T FORCE HER!!!!!!!!You should not do that,because if you do...she might use this method on HER children and your grandchildren might use it on their children and so on and so on.
you should thank your lucky stars she want to please you isnt in better then trying to hurt you! but i do understand i know sometimes you just need time to yourself so just talk to her about that everytime and soon she'll get it but make sure you give her mommy and me time too.
You have to sound like a mom. You remember your mom yelling so I now you remember what she said and that's the whole point of talking to you daughter. Believe me no matter what you tell her you will sound like a nosy over protective mom but in the long run it will help your daughter more that hurt her. *Hint* Just make sure the yelling doesn't become excessive or irrational.
The short answer is: Use a deep voice. That way you'll sound like your father.





:)





Actually, you are going to sound that way anyway. One trick, however, is to ';catch'; her doing something good. Instead of always being corrective, give her a quick ';good job'; when she does something good--even something small like put her dishes in the sink.





You need to maintain the dialog. It's not easy.
Since she's still only 12, counseling will probably work. When they get to be 15-16, I don't know if anything works. Good luck.
Have you tried having a special time each day to let her talk to you about whatever she wants? One of my kids is a night owl like me. He always starts conversations at bedtime. It used to bother me because i was tired and wanted to watch TV. But then I got TiVO and let him talk. It has been great. Also my husband used to have a date night each month with each of our daughters. They did this forever and now that the girls are grown and gone, they do it when ever we get together. Now it is a walk after dinner or coffee at Starbucks. But they still love the undivided attention.


Keep trying till you find the way that works for you both. Then don't break the date if you can help it. You will reap the rewards later and maybe she won't think of you what you think of your Mom. Also, don't be afraid to apologize to her when you realize you just sounded like your Mom.


Good Luck.
u should sit down with ur daughter and say that i want to talk to and sit down and make time for both of u so that u can have happy memories and every thing else so u don't have to be like ur mom never have time for each and if she is young spend a lot of time with her.