Mini Mean Girls? Mother's advice?

My daughter is 4...she's been at pre-school for a year now and now is at ';real school'; Now I am not saying she is an angel...what child is? But she never had any maliciousness in her before she went to school...she hasn't turned into a monster but she has picked up certain things from other girls at school...things like saying ';Oh you cannot come to my party if you aren't nice to me'; (I said if I'm not there then there won;t BE a party!}) And simil;ar things like ';Oh Anna cannot come to tea at Maisie's because Anna is mean';...and once she told me how someone Else's Mother was fat...I haven't even USED the word fat around her! I have NEVER said things like this...so she has to get them from the other girls..my question is ...Where do THEY get it from? Their Mothers? Surely no Mother would teach their child to say things like this? I worry that she will fall prey to peer pressure as she grows and I want her to think as an individual...and not to fear the idle threats that some girls come out with...I am sure that if one day ';Anna'; is being left out then one day it will be my daughter.....why cannot they all be nice? WHO teaches them to say these things? Will any Mother here admit to it? WHat do you think?Mini Mean Girls? Mother's advice?
Those are all teachable moments. When she comes home saying stuff that concerns you then you need to stop everything you're doing and have a little heart to heart with her. You can say something like ';What does Anna do that makes people think she's mean';. ';How do you think it makes Anna feel to be left out'; ';What do you think you'll do if the girls call you mean or leave you out of a party one day';








Then follow up with ';What are some things you do that makes you nice'; ';If someone is being mean to another child at school, what can you do to help that child';Mini Mean Girls? Mother's advice?
I worked in a daycare with age 4 kids, the girls imitated the shows that they watched on TV. They talked about party's, boys cheating on them and all kinds of stuff. I thinks its horrible!!


Some pick it up from moms, but mostly from the baby sitter TV
She picks them up around school.


Around school we learn allot [13]


-Stuff that we weren't used to at home.





just sit her down and talk 2 her about whats rude and whats honest.


and that somethings are better received when its said in our head.





-Good Luck (:
they get it from older siblings
I wonder this myself. I have a little boy,but believe me, boy world is no different when they are little at the toddler/preschool age. I had a couple weeks ago in a grocery store a complete strangers child (who was considerably older than mine) tell my son he looked like a freak because he had curly hair and that he should have been a girl. I was livid! I turned around and had a few words with the mother regarding her sons rude mouth and the need he had to bully a 2 year old. My son is barely 2 and this kid was easily about 8- and sporting a shirt from a Nazarene church!! That's what floored me- they were obviously religious people the way they were dressed, but honestly! I guess it evades no one in this day and age to be that way.


I don't know where kids learn this meanness from. The only thing I can think of is they are picking it up from TV they watch or hearing it from listening to older children or adults who should know better. It's sad that kids have to be that way and that they can't just be polite to each other. Kid's don't have to like everyone they come in contact with in life, but I think they need to be learning that regardless they will be polite about it.


I think if it were my child telling people ';if you're not nice to me you can't come to my party'; then there would be no party period and a long discussion on why it isn't nice or appropriate to say those things to people. I'm surprised the teachers don't step in and tell the kids ';that's not a nice thing to say. how would you feel if someone said that to you?'; but they don't.


Every parent in the world wants to think their child is a perfect angel that wouldn't do those things either. Sadly, some of them if not all of them do at some point. Maybe the parents that are aware their child is that way just don't want to believe it and ';turn a deaf ear and blind eye'; in denial because they don't know how to deal with it. What's sadder is that sometimes kids pick this stuff up from TEACHERS after the parents leave because they over hear the teachers talk between themselves about ';so and so being a trouble case'; or ';so and so is a pain in the neck because of __';. If parents could hear half of what gets said by teachers in lounges and between each other it would infuriate them to no living end at how cruel teachers can be once the school doors close and the day begins. I've seen it first hand and refused to sit for lunch in the lounge after the first day because of how bad some of it was. I preferred to eat in solitude on my own rather than listen to adults belittle children because they thought they were behind closed doors.
It's sad to say that children DO learn bad behaviors from their parents. If the parents are mean to others...gossiping/judging others around the child, they will pick it up. They could also learn it from older siblings. This is a little more acceptable seeing as teenagers still act like children.





If it really bothers you then have a talk with some of the mothers and see if they have seen the same behavior for their children. You should all learn to cooperate so that your girls don't turn into ';mean girls'; someday.





Though I hate to say they might not grow out of it until their late teens. I've seen many girls being ignored for a party invitation over the most trivial things, so don't be to surprised, even if you have a talk about it, if she keeps on acting like this until she's 18.
All of use say we don't say or do that stuff in front of our kids. I have meet a few that really don't, But no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. These kids get it from somewhere. TV, where are the parents while the kids are watching? Don't believe half of what people say they do or don't do with their kids because they will never admit the truth. All you can do is correct your own child if you hear her say this stuff and hope for the best.
Girls are probably slightly worse than boys, I think. But I think they get it from siblings, shows, other kids at school, and parents who say things they probably don't even realize they say. I remember I was out shopping one time and overheard a probably five-six year old girl looking at an outfit and say, ';oh my *God*!'; Her mother barely even batted an eyelash. I couldn't imagine my kid saying that at that age!





Maybe you can come to pick her up a few minutes early and watch her interacting with the other kids ... for me this has been a bit of an eye opener - both about my son's behavior (which I'm not surprised, and if anything I';m too quick to blame him!) and the behavior of other kids. There's one boy in the class (the teacher's son) who is very bossy, and knowing his mother LOL I know where he got it from! : /