Mother seeking advice/help?

I was looking for other parent's opinion's regarding what's going on with our youth of today...





My son is an 18 year old senior in high school and while some may call me strict, I myself feel I am being a great parent! My son plays football, is NOT involved in any sort-of drugs and does not drink. I as a parent feel that even though he is 18 his curfew still should and will be 12:00 until he leaves my home. I don't allow him or any friends to drink any sort-of liquor at my house. Last year my son went to prom with his girlfriend of 3 years. He stayed at her house and I made sure his parent's WERE HOME and kept an eye on the both of them. This year he wants to get a beach house or a hotel but I as a mother will not allow it!! Not while he is in my house none of this nonsense will go on!!





I talk with other mother's of the football team and at many other school gatherings that my son goes to and the things they tell me AMAZE ME!!!





(to be continued)Mother seeking advice/help?
Are you going to pick his wife for him and decide where they'll live and when to have kids? 18 is a little old for you to still be babying him. Untie the apron strings, your job is done.Mother seeking advice/help?
I've never understood why parents say ';not while they are living in my house';.Is it your ego and will to control or do you want to help your kids?As it is only a matter of time that he does move out and maybe does things you don't agree with.What will you say then?I didn't raise you this way or your not my son if you do that.I understand your instinct to protect your son as long as possible but you can't keep him from the big bad world forever.He has a right to make his own mistakes.And in this world today,I don't think it's too much for an 18 year old to ask to stay in a hotel with his friends.Hopefully you,ve given him good sense not to drink too much, take drugs or drink and drive.He will eventually leave your home.So is it okay then if he does all this stuff?I'm not saying to let him do anything in your home that he wants but a little bit of understanding that he is almost a man and needs to create and make his own decisions I believe leads to a much healthier and happy relationship.
I think you are very justified in your position as a mother. You are absolutely right that until he moves out on his own paying his own way he should abide by your rules. I believe your rules are very reasonable and those other mothers are out of their flippin' minds. Please don't question yourself another minute because you are the kind of parent all kids need. Your son may not like it now especially since he obviously sees other parents allowing their kids to do whatever...but one day when he has kids of his own he will know in his heart that you loved him enough to tell him NO! Way to go mom!
I am 16 and I think you've done very well, especially cince he would tell you about the hotel and beach house. You are very lucky. Most kids would just do it anyway. Be thankful that you can trust your son to tell the truth.
mathrer
I'm the same way as you...My house my rules, if my boys want to do what they want to do, they can move and i told them this....When he leaves your house, he can choose how he lives, until that time, keep him in check...Down the road he will appreciate what you have done...
WOW!! Cut the umbilical cord already!


Trust me, even though I haven't been 18 in 25 years, I can remember this much... If he wants to have sex YOU are not going to stop it.


If you don't trust him now, when he moves out he will be GONE and never look back at the control freak that raised him.
Who cares what other mother's do and let there children do..


You are the mother and these are your rules and if you don't stick by these rules you will show him NO means YES and YES means NO.......I am a mother... remember if this is what you have decided for your Motherly reason's Don't let anyone discourage you rules.....RULES ARE RULES They are not mean to be broken.........................
WE Need Many! Many More! Parents Like You In This World.


The Young Is TOO Wild And Free. I Feel Like If We Parents Were More Strict The Crime Rate Would Be Low. Tax Payers Pay For Teen Pregnancys,Building Jails,Detention Centers.This Money Could Be Saved By More Parental Control.The Parents Have The Children And The Children Raise Themselves With Out Parental Control.The Great Children Have So Much Peer Pressure On Them! By The Children Who Are Being Raised Without Parental Control.
Ouch....... Ok, first off let me start off by letting you know I am a 24 yr old male, but I am also a father. So In a BIG way I can see where your coming from. Here is what I feel you should do, honestly you should let him go. He is 18 and legally an adult. This is all based on a matter of trust. You are not sending him to this thing with booze and pot. Those things he can aquire on his own. If you trust your son, than he wont do any of those things. He will use his common sense and just say no. Prom party is a HUGE deal to a teen. If you refuse to let him go at all it will ignite some harsh feelings. He is your son, but he's not a little boy anymore. Ask him to promise to check in with you as a sign of good faith. A call every two hours would be perfect. If he doesnt call or calls and sounds trashed, than tell him you will be there to pick him up. If the aspect of a parent coming to embarass him doesn't stop him, nothing will. Trust him, he sounds like a strong willed level headed kid. Trust him and let him have a day pass from the nest. I know it's hard, but it's the right thing to do. Good luck.
While your son lives under your roof then yesyou are entitled not to have liquor in the house as boys can get silly.However you cannot always babysit him forever. He needs to start to making his own choices. Stop over protecting your son I understand about the alcohol issue.My brother used to play football anddrink with his mates.Now it has affected his liver. As your son does not drink you need to let him have his own life.
Im kinda young,but i think that u should really loosen up,if anything ever goes wrong,u tell him that wus y u were being strict,and have him learn from his mistakes.
First off, you should not be worried what other people think. If you believe in your rules and your son is a good kid, then you are doing something right. You don't say one word about a father figure for your son, does your husband have any input in your son's life? Is he a good role model on how a man should be? I agree with you, as long as he is living in your house, he must follow your rules. Kids will do what they want to do, so if they really want to do something, they will find a way to do it, regardless of the rules.
I am a 35yr old guy and coach of a highschool sports team, the team has both mens and womens sides to it and we travel atleast 4 times a year to different tournaments around the country to play.





I have had many issues with conduct during my time, I try to be someone who they can talk to about issues they might have with the rules which really helps. I try to make them understand why there are rules in play and what they are there for. I also try to let them enjoy their trips without breaking them rules.





It seems to me like you do not trust your son one bit. When I was in highschool we had those parties and I was at them. My grandpa was very important in teaching me right from wrong and it seems like you have taught your son what is righ and what is wrong.





You need to give him some trust and let him experience life and make decisions for who he wants to be. Trust me you arn't with him 24/7 and you would be surprised how often I deal with kids who have resented the fact their parents don't trust them to do the right thing.





I never smoked pot at a party because I just wasn't into that at all, I might of had a beer or two but not to the extent of anything bad coming of it. GIVE HIM YOUR TRUST and watch how things change.
He is 18.. Legal adult. I think its great you have rules for him to follow when he is home, and that you personally dont let anyone drink in your home. Its good to have some rules, but as far as not letting him go to friends, etc when they are having parties well thats kind of over doing it. I mean you said yourself he dont do drugs, or drink so whats so wrong with him going to a couple parties to hangout with his friends, him being there isnt going to make him do anything bad, he wont do anything that he dont already do. My parents were strict with me, and set rules for me when I was living in thier home, but allowed me to drink on certain holidays as long as I didnt over due it, and showed them I was being responsible, and it sounds to me your son is a very responsible person, and would never do anything you dissaprove of obviously since he follows your house rules. He dont need a babysitter, and him needing his girlfriends parents to be there for him to stay there is kind of over doing it along with not letting him do the whole beach house thing. I mean I can understand you needing to know her parents are ok with him spending the night there, but the fact he couldnt if they werent because you dont like the idea is kind of harsh. Its not nonsense for him to want to spend time with his friends doing things like that after all he isnt a baby anymore. You need to trust him more then you do, your being way too over protective of him especially for the age he is. I can understand him having a curfew, but I think the 12am curfew should be more reinforced during work/school days(like when you have to get up early, and go to work, etc), and then give him a curfew of like 2am on the weekends as long as he keeps up with his responsibilities. It seems to me that your son is very trustworthy, and diserves a little more freedom then he is getting as long as he dont show you he dont diserve it(for example: he does his chores, goes to school/work on time, and gets everything else he needs to do done, and stays out of actual trouble.)if he dont act responsibly then its ok to revoke some of his privlages until he earns them back, but realize he is 18, and will soon be leaving home especially if you keep being so strict, and over protective. When my parents got like that with me it made me rebel more because I couldnt stand it, I have never gotten into any kind of trouble, and never did anything at the time to show them they couldnt trust me so I just basically went, and stayed out until I felt like coming home, or left when I wanted to go somewhere, and they were over reacting. They eventually started looking at all the good I did, and how I never got into any trouble, and eased up. I am now a mother of a beautiful little boy, he is no where near your sons age, but me not being too much older then him, and having parents just like you know what hes going through, and you really have no reason to be so strict with him as long as he does what hes supposed to.
You are right to be concerned. He's your son and of course you want to look out for him. I think you might have to give him some leway . He's a kid let him live. You have to trust your son, and belive he has the potental to do the right thing. Ive been a teenager and yes I got into trouble , but what I relized is the more my Mom told me no the more I wanted to do those things. Bottom line : He's 18 , an adult. You should worry and advise him to do the right thing, but you have to let him live his life.